The View from Above

Sexy Clone Dilemma

2011-02-12T15:45:00.001+08:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Happy 2011 and Rabbit year

2011-02-06T21:59:00.002+08:00

Happy new year, how has your new year been? It's already February and the next thing you know it will be December - damn it time flies.

For me so far the new year hasn't been too fantastic. Some Feng Sui guru also said that this year is worse for those born in year of the Rabbit - apparently rabbits and rabbits don't mix, we're gonna get a bad luck year overall. However there are rays of hope in the 2nd and 3rd quarter... sigh... woopiee... lets hope he's wrong.

Busted my back today - should have used the knees... now in pain and no amount of stretching seems to be working.

Here's how they made it...

2011-02-06T21:56:00.001+08:00

Making Of The Chapel from Patryk Kizny on Vimeo.

The Chapel

2011-02-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

TheChapel. A short film. (HDR timelapse) from Patryk Kizny on Vimeo.

NEW E*TRADE Baby - Girlfriend

2011-02-04T01:19:00.000+08:00

Volkswagen Commercial: The Force

2011-02-04T00:57:00.000+08:00

Ramadan 2010

2010-08-25T17:54:00.002+08:00

This year is passing by so quick, more than ever I feel like I'm a passenger on a speeding bus heading down a highway going who knows where. Why bus? Why passenger? All good metaphysical questions I don't quite have answers to.

Puasa is getting easier and easier as I get older - but this year like last year, there has been almost no eating out.

Went to pasar ramadan at Geylang some days back - note to self, don't try the usual briyani anymore, the satay burger is over rated and wierd to be honest, and it doesn't matter which stall you line up at for Vade they all taste the same.

Oh and goreng pisang is the best...

It's finally done...

2009-07-06T15:16:00.003+08:00

... and now I can move on with my life. Yes after years of struggling with the choice and weighing pros and cons I have finally taken the plunge and bought an Apple. Here it is below, so from now on I can't say I should have bought the Apple... blah blah...

Sophie on Video!

2009-06-30T14:17:00.005+08:00

This is a very shaky video taken from a blackberry bold. Testament to my great video recording skills (Not). Taken just a week ago from her usual play area at the Forum on Orchard Road. She loves jumping into the ball pit...

Lunch at Rendezvous Hotel

2009-06-23T14:38:00.003+08:00

My parents had their first date at Rendezvous Hotel in Singapore. This time we returned on father's day, well actually the day before.

Back then it was a three story hotel next to the Cathay on Bras Basah road where they watched a movie. When they were here we revisited the hotel and the restaurant that was still there. The food wasn't bad a little bit localised compared to the old days my Dad thought. I forgot to take a picture of the frontage which was preserved well. The interiors were similar as well, while originally the restaurant was on the ground floor in the wing of the hotel that now houses the coffee shop. It has since been moved upstairs but looked like it retained a lot of the 60s charm: tiled floors and walls, stone tables and old rickety wooden chairs. They of course had to have the requisite collection of old photos but I couldn't find an old picture of the hotel in any one of them.

We finished off the food, took pictures and headed to the museum for more nostalgia. One thing that impressed me about the museum is the care and attention they gave to the Malay movie business in the 50s and 60s which really took off from the Jalan Ampas studios in Singapore. The exhibit paid homage to the good ole days of Malay cinema including a multi part documentary featuring interviews with the producers and performers of that age. Highly recommended for anyone who's into old movies and films.

The history museum was comprehensive, but too long, I'd say if you actually could experience every single one of the exhibit it will take an entire day. It's a very photogenic building lots of things to snap at - but the presentation of the exhibit was the winner here. Every visitor is given an electronic device which functions as a tour guide and story teller for the exhibits. It was cool and easy to use, just way long winded and just too many things to listen to. So if you're on a schedule there's no need to listen to ALL the exhibits - I guess they do it this way so that they will get return visitors - it's impossible to pay attention to everything.

Updates

2009-06-16T16:32:00.004+08:00

Last night was bad - small fry woke up late night because we tried to give her medication for her fever. She didn't end up sleeping until about 1230am or 1am, I got fed up already by then and handed her over to her mom. Watching an hour of Teletubbies in the middle of the night is not my idea of fun.

Turns out I was too wound up to sleep and ended up continuing my Civilisation IV game until 330am before deciding that staying up all night and going to work was probably not the best thing to do.

For those geeks interested - I usually play Persian and I'm not that good. Last night I was at the receiving end of a 4 way gangbang compliments of the snake Russians who got me into war. Why I play Persian I don't know probably because of all this news about the Iranian elections.

Read Reza Aslan's book No God But God, they give a good account of how Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini took power there in 1979 - through deception and outright lies. I'm not surprised the clerics are cheating to keep power - but this is what we really need, more political power in the hands of reformist and moderate muslims. You can't count 40 million votes in 12 hours it's just too obvious a cheat. Besides Ahmadinejad was also called out for cheating the first time he won - he's obviously the Supreme Leader's favourite.

European nations should take heed and understand that "secularism" is just another way of discriminating against other cultures. It is oppressive. On the other hand Muslims need to get out of the shadow of the Mullahs rule and the only way is to give reformist and moderate muslims a voice in the government.

Anyway, today my nose is bad, I feel the possible onset of a cold coming.

And now I'd like to draw your attention...

2009-03-04T21:06:00.002+08:00

to my buddy Patrick's new blog. He's been trekking for more than a month across Thailand and Laos on a dirt bike and has been posting good pictures and news along the way. Damn wish I was there too... sounds like a good adventure.

Here's the link:

Patrick's Blog

It's also on my link list over on the side bar.

Yes I am a bit nuts...

2009-02-03T10:22:00.000+08:00

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: Manic Depressive You have extreme cycles of highs and lows. Sometimes you feel like you don't know who you are. One week you could be very hyper and happy and the next week you are slow and depressed.
Paranoia
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Gong Xi Fa Chai

2009-01-29T20:02:00.002+08:00

From all of us!

Prayer for Gaza

2009-01-15T17:05:00.002+08:00

Al Fath, 26-28

When those who disbelieve had set up in their hearts zealotry, the zealotry of the Age of Ignorance, then Allah sent down His peace of reassurance upon His messenger and upon the believers and imposed on them the word of self-restraint, for they were worthy of it and meet for it. And Allah is Aware of all things. (26) Allah hath fulfilled the vision for His messenger in very truth. Ye shall indeed enter the Inviolable Place of Worship, if Allah will, secure, (having your hair) shaven and cut, not fearing. But He knoweth that which ye know not, and hath given you a near victory beforehand. (27) He it is Who hath sent His messenger with the guidance and the religion of truth, that He may cause it to prevail over all religion. And Allah sufficeth as a Witness. (28)

Check it out at http://quranexplorer.com (awesome site)

Meanwhile the Arabs continue to bicker:

http://edition.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/meast/01/14/gaza.diplomacy/index.html

Cheeky girl...

2009-01-14T02:58:00.002+08:00

Trying to put on her shoes... no she can't pull it off just yet.

Happy New Year...

2009-01-14T01:54:00.003+08:00

If you can really mean it that is... the world is a pretty messed up place isn't it? Makes me think if human lives are really that cheap? But the truth of that answer is that: it always has been... hasn't it?

We've been killing each other for ages and likely we'll be killing each other for ages more - all because the people who have not want something of those who do have it... whatever it is: land, power, money it usually thins down to any one of those three. Sometimes all three.

As I write over 900 people have been killed since Israel launched its offensive on the Gaza strip, a large portion of those are children, maybe 30 percent or so. I suppose they call it collateral damage. Let's call it murder. I'd go a step further and call it genocide. It's ironic how a land that was created after the holocaust could now go and create all new ones for brand new reasons - then justify it in the name of peace or self defense. Everyone knows its crap, no one does anything about it and frankly no one can.

Israel is not an illegal state. I've received several notices and emails proclaiming this, but it is not entirely true. The warring Arabs and the foreign nations after the great wars had more to do in allowing the Zionists to settle there than the Zionist themselves. Had history taken it's original route the Zionists would have settled in Argentina and not Palestine. It was America and Great Britain who finally settled on the so called "jewish lands" in the middle east, thereby creating the problem we see today - but that would not had happened if it wasn't for the Arabs of the time allowing it to happen.

The problem with the middle east is also an Arab and Islamic problem. Namely the question of who's land is it really? Does it belong to the Arabs or the Zionists? How far back in history do we have to go to prove the point - all the way to the holy books? There is no question now that in order for peace to happen, there need to be a land for both nations - neither party can discard the other; any group that declares otherwise is piloting his own kamikaze airplane and we'll have war in perpetuity. Somehow, somewhere, the two are just going to learn to live with each other. It's really simple but why doesn't it happen?

Then there's the war between fundamental Islam and moderate Islam. Proponents of fundamental Islam disagree there is a feud denying the very existence of a moderate Islam. I've heard it before: "there is only one kind of Islam" and usually they mean the fundamental one. The war in Palestine is also about the war for modernization of an old belief. Shall we accept "western" ideals on human rights and freedom in exchange for greater participation or shall we insist on our own ideals and ways and expect to be accepted within the world? Both seems sides seem to present a fair argument. Can muslims really live in an Arab land neighbouring a jewish state? Shall we ignore modernity and embrace our faith, or shall we race towards the future side by side with the christian west? In every muslim majority state this same war is being fought, even back at home in Malaysia. It is fought as strongly in the street corners as it is in the mosques, from television to politics, we see the shadows of religious influence meandering and questioning, always trying to gain grounds.

It is the question of Hudud law and the question of gambling and alcohol sales. It is about how much the state should invest in monitoring the kissing habits of its citizens in public parks. I know where I stand in this fight, but it is interesting to note that just a decade ago I would be standing clearly on the other side. Alas the ample bosom of modernity has me firmly in its grasp, there really is no escape, not that I want to anyway.

So the fight continues - at stake the moral status of an entire generation. But here's a parting thought: the world is a much smaller place than it was 1500 years ago, and it's bound to get smaller, so let's keep those sharp knees and elbows curled and in place, less we poke our neighbours where we are not supposed to.

Happy 2009

Hello old friend...

2008-12-17T10:37:00.006+08:00

The last few months must be the second longest time that I skipped blogging since I started some years ago. That doesn't mean the View from Above has had no views what so ever since July, it's just that I felt it was better I kept my views to myself.

Now the year's coming to an end, 2008 started out rather bad and seems to be ending in a worse note - talking about globally and generally not specifically about me. The wars that was on earlier in the year are still on, some new conflicts have erupted since then; piracy is getting worse and making my job a little bit more complicated; the economy is going downhill; and worse of all to me there has been little to no changes to the politics in Malaysia.

Isn't it wierd how polarized the world has become of late? We're either for the government or against it, we're 100% muslim robots or we're kafir/munafik, we're malays or we're chinese or indians or whatever you have... Someone writes something remotely challenging and everyone gets off their rocker. Most times without even properly reading the said offending pages or investigating both sides of the story - case in point the RPK issue or take any racial or religious issue that emerged in the last 3 months in Malaysia.

I had at least 3-4 notes to say about all of that - fortunately for everyone I have been keeping my anarchist-anti establishment thoughts to myself, of course where's the fun in that? I'm getting just so detached recently with all the crap happening or not happening that I think I need a little emotional motivation to continue - otherwise I would stop caring. And caring means sharing... So here they are in point form and in summary, my anarchist take on things:

1. The Malaysian government should all resign - they have failed to keep up with the state of the world and seem to only have time for politics and not work. There's only 24 hours in a day, at the rate the news and gossips on politics are going on one wonders when the work actually gets done. Forget the corruption charges how about start with negligence and work from there...

2. The Malaysian opposition should get a first warning letter and some should already resign for cases of idiocy and just plain moronic behavior. Look DAP/PKR/PAS are not even on the same platform at the core of it, it will be a miracle if Anwar holds them together until the next election. While we're on that topic, Malaysia will never accept non-racial politics - at least not in my lifetime I think. Come on, do you really think all these lovey dovey Rakyat Malaysia gatherings are spelling the end of non racial politics? At grassroots levels Malays want to be Malays, Chinese want to be Chinese et cetera et cetera. There might be a few exceptions, but not many. We're temporarily united against a common foe, UMNO and the threat of corruption and economic decay. We're not ready for true unity, that takes a heck of a long time. It took America 232 years to elect their first minority president, and he's still only half african american. When we're ready to let go of some cultural identity - and I think one of the first are segregated schools for different races - then we're making progress. You can learn language from any school - just stop segregating the races!

3. Islam is beautiful religion, but please leave it off politics. As a religion we have all we need to lead our lives, as a society do you not realise that the abuse of religious beliefs to stay in power have led to the destruction of muslim societies everywhere? Religion is not democratic, no one can question the word of God or the words of his holymen so why do we need it in politics? The "afterlife" is not a good enough a motivation to run a proper country. Besides who are we kidding, it's always religion on top but really its all about money, politics, power and land. I'm not saying that we should all support secularism - no I think secularism is another form of religious discrimination. But whatever it is leave religion out of governance - it has place in our lives not in how the government is run.

4. It's about poverty idiots. Eradication of poverty shouldn't be a priority, it's a necessity. In this day and age I can't believe there are still people out there with no roof over their heads, no food and no access to clean water - no I'm not talking about other countries but my own. And yes it gets worse elsewhere. Incidents of violence, racism, crime and what have you are higher in areas of extreme poverty - the lack of means to even support oneself can lead to various acts of desperation and even turning to extremist groups for support and protection. What can we all do about it? And I believe governments should do more.

5. And it's about education. It's a given. I'm appalled at the state of education which in so far seems to just exist to educate enough - to fill the brain with data and then leave out the important clue as to what to do with them. That "we're not taught to think" is a common phrase I hear in Malaysia and Singapore. Worse yet I think Malaysia's investment so far in education has been just plain ridiculous. Teaching is no longer a favored job, schools exist so that parents can get their kids out of the way for part of the day and the focus is still too much on examinations and getting grades. Don't get me wrong I love exams, think they're swell. But why is it I remember more from my 2 years in the US school system (standards 4 and 5) than I did my entire high school? I know American history better than 70% of Americans (according to an online test) - and still recall pages of books and projects I did when I was 10. But I cannot remember anything significant from my highschool days. Ad-maths - NOPE, Chemistry - close, but I had to look 95% of stuff up again, English - NO WAY, - BM - EVEN WORSE, - History - Some vague references to Adat and the history of Melaka but that's about it and that was from Form 3. Heck most of what I remember and know now are results from self learning and reading. So... what the F? Does the system work? No I don't think so...

Anyway, enough ranting already.

Living with Sophie

2008-07-28T10:04:00.003+08:00

She's such a big girl now, but having the girl around does slow down time a little and helps take my mind off work. She's recently been having some bad sleeping habits and waking up late nights thinking it was already morning.

Not sure how many times she woke up last night, but around 1-2am she thought it was morning and wanted to brush her teeth - I think we only got her to sleep after an hour. I got up around 6am today when Sophie did, she wanted to get up and crawl around - after showing her the sights outside the window we went back to her pallet and while I wanted to sleep again, she was intent on brushing her teeth.

So we did that and cleaned up, then went outside to her play area and started on her music books. I made her some bread and jam for breakfast and she ate while moving and playing around. Then later after her breakfast she found her shoes and wanted to put them on, she walked for a while before deciding it's faster to crawl (as it always happens) and started to get on the floor again.

Usually I get to sleep in and her mom will be doing all of this, but once in awhile it's daddy's turn. Anyway it's good to be able to play with her a little in the morning before the daily commute. After I got dressed, we had a group hug and she waved me off... typical morning...

Sophia's 1st Birthday

2008-07-18T09:27:00.003+08:00

The baby at one year, time flies...

Sophia pictures...

2008-06-25T17:04:00.002+08:00

Well that certainly was a long hiatus from the blogosphere. Thought I'd start the ball rolling with new Sophia pics. She's all big now and trying to walk...

These were taken some months back, so she's almost a year old now and can't fit into these clothes anymore. Since then I've been busy at work, went to Bali with the family and trying to come home early enough before the rascal goes to bed.

Four on a Train

2008-03-13T15:11:00.002+08:00

Once upon a time...

Pak Lah, Najib, Shahrizat and Anwar were sitting in a KTM train heading up to Penang for campaigning. Near Ipoh, the train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark.
Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. Shahrizat and Pak Lah are sitting there looking perplexed.
Najib is bent over holding his face, which is red from an apparent slap.

All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Pak Lah is thinking: "These guys are all crazy after Shahrizat. Najib must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."

Shahrizat is thinking: "Najib must have moved to kiss me, but kissed Pak Lah instead and got slapped."

Najib is thinking: "Damn it, Pak Lah must have tried to kiss Shahrizat, she thought it was me and slapped me instead."

Anwar is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Najib again."

Eating

2008-03-13T10:51:00.000+08:00

Sophie Pics

2008-02-19T16:08:00.002+08:00

I've realised that I missed a couple of months in the video recording of Sophia. While going through the old tapes and editing them, seems we missed her during most of her 4th month as well as 6th months. When I continue next week she's already going to be 7 months old.

Time flies, she changes so much. Here's another one of my favourite pics... such a cutie, but notice the one big eye and one small eye...

Baby

2008-02-18T00:29:00.002+08:00

Yes I do miss her a lot...

Happy New Year!

2008-02-13T15:21:00.003+08:00

Both new years have passed already, and it's been awhile since we had an update. So here's a newer picture of the rascal, she's almost 7 months now. Rainbow Connection below is the song I sing to her to put her to sleep... mom has a more varied repertoire. I'm stuck with this and a handful of oldies.

She's just cute... loves her mattress sleeping area! And she's beginning to complain from the teething experience. The picture is a few weeks old though...

Rainbow Connection

2007-12-21T15:16:00.000+08:00

Why are there so many
Songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side
Rainbow's are visions
They're only illusions
And rainbows have nothing to hide

So we've been told and some chose to believe it
But I know they're wrong wait and see
Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Who said that every wish
Would be heard and answered
When wished on the morning star
Somebody thought of that
And someone believed it
And look what it's done so far

What's so amazing
That keeps us star gazing
What do we think we might see
Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Have you been half asleep
And have you heard voices
I've heard them calling my name
Are these the sweet sounds that called the young sailors
I think they're one and the same
I've heard it too many times to ignore it
There's something that I'm supposed to be

Someday we'll find it
The Rainbow Connection
The lovers, the dreamers and me

Family Pic

2007-12-18T13:41:00.001+08:00

Latest picture taken last weekend after dinner. She's really intent on eating stuff.

The 100th Post

2007-12-18T12:50:00.000+08:00

There we are.. the 100th post, a milestone, a landmark event. What am I going to write about?

Wish I had my camera with me when I took off to Dubai. Finally managed to get in after about a 2.5 hour delay then another 4.5 hour wait for my hotel room. It felt like a long trip. However, since I was sans camera I can only describe the things I saw there and it really was a very beautiful city, quite clean and with heavy traffic typical of any metropolis.

The skyline of Dubai has been under construction for the past 15 years I guess and it still is. The changes have been staggering, they are accomplishing in 15 years what most cities took decades to pull off. Its amazing what money can do for you. The gem of the city was this enormous spire of the still-under-construction Burj Dubai Tower a massive skyscraper that seems to have been plucked straight out from the planet Coruscant (that's from Star Wars for you newbies). It's very sci fi...

The trip itself was a succession of meetings and conference papers one after another so nothing too interesting to write about. Several dinners and many hours of just talking. But I do think I'd like to go back to Dubai on holiday one of these days, it could be a very good vacation place although a bit expensive. The weather is very nice in December, as its winter temperatures stayed at about 20 degrees. But since it's also peak season, coming to Dubai in December mean 4 figure hotel rooms and traffic jams.

The last night of the trip a bunch of friends and I managed to sneak out to a local disco... the music sucked, but we were there just to look around anyway. Almost missed my flight since I was stuck in a bloody traffic jam outside of the airport for almost an hour, despite the flight being at 2.30 in the morning. Next time I fly SIA, at least theirs is during daylight hours.

Stuck in Changi

2007-12-11T01:35:00.000+08:00

Well there's a first time for everything. The last time I was stuck in the middle of the night at Changi airport I was a student on the way to US to finish my degree. Now however I'm just taking off to go to Dubai and seems the flight has been "retimed" to about 2 hours later.

Now I could go back and maybe sleep an hour or so, or more likely play a few rounds of computer games. But that would mean about $15 bucks each way to the taxi driver. Not feeling particularly generous today so decided to try and find something to eat and zzzz at the airport. For the record it is now 1.37 AM. I am normally trying to sleep at this time.

Changi at night is quite different from the day. There's far less people even though the duty free shops are still open and a handful of restaurants. Clearly most of these poor souls wandering like zombies through the nearly empty airport halls have similarly delayed flights or are in somekind of cruel and unusual transit in the middle of the morning, the same kind that I was in nearly 13 years ago.

Most are just trying to pass the time, watching the many TVs here, having drinks or food. I looked at the 24 hour food mart and only 1 stall was open, unfortunately I wasn't particularly feeling like any Shanghai Noodles so I bought some really bad pastry at Jack's had 3 bites and threw it away, gluped down my really expensive bottle of mineral water and decided to go look for a place to sleep before getting myself distracted by the free internet PCs here. Clearly the airport is infinitely more fun to hangout in than our own back home.

I hope I have time to rest in a bit. So we'll continue this next time.

DR in da house!

2007-12-06T14:01:00.000+08:00

Ho ho ho! A buddy of mine recently graduated with a PHD in Computer Engineering recently from University of Queensland... here's a pic... it's definitely worth a mention in my auspicious blog! hahaha...

Congrats man

The teddy is from his aunt, no it didn't come as a going away present from the uni. The wierd looking hat is the dresscode for PHD holders known as a bonnet... heheh yeah the same kind babies used to wear.

He's looking for a job now. So if anyone is looking for a briliant PHD grad for some computer engineering work, with excellent teaching records and some industrial experience as well. Give em a buzz... just comment on this post.

Girls...

2007-12-05T15:33:00.001+08:00

The girls at home...

Oh by the way...

2007-12-05T15:25:00.001+08:00

Oh if you need a reminder... her site is www.sophiameiyin.com

I'll put a link on the side bar...

Updates

2007-12-05T14:59:00.000+08:00

Sophia's website has been updated with a bunch of new pictures, not that much but they are quite recent. She has changed quite a bit but still looks like a boy. Apparently her mom also was like that when she was a baby, so we know where that came from...

Still have so much to do with that website, want to move it to another location because the godaddy server is just too slow with the update tools. Things to do include:

1. Edit her videos! We've got 2.5 hours of tape on her, but I haven't gotten around to editing it.
2. Move the website to someplace easier to access and faster too. Wish I know html/xml then at least easier to build the website.

But easier said than done since most of my free time has been in crysis. Those in the know, know what I mean. I've got to end the crysis before I can do anything else without getting distracted.

Anyway, recently I bought a kickass PC - it's an Intel Quad Core, 2 GB ram, 2 hard drives including a super fast Raptor and an 8800GT video card. Also got a 22 inch flatron monitor... muahaha. It's huge but amazingly quiet. But I made the mistake of running Windows Vista.

To all who are contemplating to buy a new PC, do NOT, and I repeat DO NOT buy Windows Vista, it is the most useless piece of crap that has ever been produced by Microsoft... ok it's not as bad as Windows ME... but still pretty useless. I went and bought the Ultimate version... sigh.. waste of money seriously because I'm actually seriously thinking about stepping back to XP.

If you think Vista will be better after Service Pack 1, well think again, Microdicks have just announced the extension of XP until I think 31 Jan 2008 and releasing SP 3 for XP. What's worse is that beta tests of the two show that XP with SP3 still kicks Vista's fat ass even with SP1, so there... Don't buy Vista... at least not yet... wait until end of next year, at least...

I bought Vista for DX10- thinking I'd see some major differences. But noooo.. nada, almost the same as DX9c. In fact I games run slower on Vista. Stoopid...

Otherwise things have been okay, been going back to KL almost every weekend. I think I missed 1 or 2 only. Plus this coming weekend I'm not heading back so that makes it 3 times only. Not a bad record... it's tiring, but it's hard not to go back when you've got this face...

waiting for you...

Lazy Daddy

2007-11-12T18:29:00.000+08:00

I'm lazy yup.

Been meaning to update Sophie's blog lately but between work, surfing the web and playing games I've kinda put it off for a while. All the time I've also been resisting the temptation of putting more of her pics on my site since I want to keep this me. Not her. But alas, she's too cute to resist, and since blogger is so damn addictively easy to use trying to learn a new one like wordpress or making my own at her URL is getting to be a handful and too much of a hassle.

So here are some new pics:

The pics are about a week old I think. She's found her tongue and discovered her hands and feet recently. So the grabbing and tongue wagging has begun. Need to spend some quality time understanding the make of Wordpress and try again to get into the habit of posting her stuff there.

At the Crossroads

2007-10-18T17:59:00.000+08:00

In case anyone missed this mini documentary, please take a look. It's important to know what's going on in the country from everyone's perspective.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G9zmRMoDt58

I would embed the video, but the guys who posted it did not allow embedding.

Hari Raya

2007-10-17T11:18:00.000+08:00

I should put up some pictures for Raya, they are coming soon, most of them are stuck on other websites or still on the PC, I'll pool some of my favourites when I have the time.

Raya was a 4 day affair, we reached Melaka just in time for Buka on Friday. Buka at grand ma's house was a quiet one, simply had the Raya food of Ketupat and the condiments. Ate a lot, but the thing is we'd be eating the same thing for the next 3 days anyway - no veggies or fruits intake for the entire weekend, it was ketupat, rendang and kari non stop.

So this week week, at least today anyway I've got a little stomach flu. Or indigestion or something, could be bad food from yesterday's dinner, but it's probably a good idea not to eat so much today. However I've got a lunch appo with a customer this afternoon... so much for resting the stomach.

Took lots of videos during the holidays, I'll probably only post them up when I get my PC and do some editing. It was nice to see Sophie with her moyang again, took some videos of that too, but no pictures this time.

So today I'm back to work, the market's gone a bit nutty over the Eid now have to ease myself back into place.

So sad this commercial...

2007-10-09T15:58:00.001+08:00

Sophie... almost 3 months

2007-10-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

Back in Brussels

2007-09-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

Seems like I was just here right? Well actually it was June and there was just a big gap in between posts. I just got into Brussels today via a long train ride from Amsterdam, remind me to fly in next time. It was relatively easy getting through passport and customs today. A colleague on his first trip here commented that it was too easy, but a little scary. They just seemed like they wanted to hold you back, then decided to let you go.

Will be back next week in KL again. Baby's doing fine and I'm in the process of building her a webpage so there's a place for updates and pictures without me having to upload them here. Then at least anything Sophia related will be centralised. Her website and URL have already been selected, I'm in the process of choosing where the blog will be hosted.

Hehe... it's probably too early to give your daughter a website and own URL address, but she'll probably appreciate it when she's older. I predict domain names and online real estate will be tight by the time she grows up so it'll be good to book early. For instance, you can also get to this site by heading to http://www.rizalrepin.com/

Meanwhile, here are some latest pictures:

Fussy Girl

2007-08-28T23:34:00.001+08:00

Sophie's getting chubbier by the day... should be around 5 kilos now. Getting fussy and not wanting to sleep or eat properly! But mom's managing I suppose... wish I was there...

Haiku

2007-08-20T12:29:00.000+08:00

too sleepy today
and the dreaming fool is me
holding my nightmare

* * *

hearts will break quickly
if fragile and they are dropped
sweep it away now

* * *

broken glass i see
footprints blood soaked lead me here
to find butterflies

"Hands"

2007-08-19T23:58:00.000+08:00

"Hands"

This picture actually won 1st prize at a competition.

First time I ever won anything for a picture.

Sophia Crying

2007-08-17T00:26:00.000+08:00

Sophia at 3 weeks (Almost)

2007-08-06T14:46:00.000+08:00

Latest Pictures

2007-08-02T09:52:00.000+08:00

Back in Singapore

2007-07-30T13:15:00.000+08:00

Lots to update, but lazy as heck. Here are the points:

1) Move into apartment at Payar Lebar, 5min walk from MRT, 10min from wet market and just behind a mosque... haha... not bad eh?
2) Baby born - yes... you saw the pics, Sophia Meiyin Rizal, 16 July 2007.
3) I'm gonna be busy after this.. travelling back to KL and also other places... will try to expand more on the points later.

More Pictures

2007-07-25T11:29:00.000+08:00

Sophia, born 16 July 2007

2007-07-25T11:19:00.001+08:00

Going to bed early

2007-07-05T13:49:00.000+08:00

I went to bed early to listen to my heart break
because it was already brittle and cracked.
It happens really really slowly
grinding to pieces like an iceberg,
it clicks and pops,
keeping me awake a long time.

It used to whisper to me at night,
stories of love and dreams, now become noise.
Louder when I close my eyes,
silencing only after it breaks
drifting stoically farther away,
its secrets meant for distant shores.

Seen today...

2007-06-26T21:58:00.001+08:00

If your life was a movie, would it be a good one?

Two weeks on

2007-06-25T12:10:00.000+08:00

It's been two weeks in Singapore or three weeks in total in the new job. This is my fourth week.

So far it's been... well... educational to say the least. In the last two weeks I've been harrased by customs, travelled Singapore-KL-Singapore three times, looked at apartments and not finding any good ones, lost my wallet, found it again, waited 2 hours for taxi, gotten lost, walked at least 20 km over 5 days, lost a pair of pants, moved out of a hotel into another one, then moved back into the first one again and that was just stuff outside work.

I think the trend will likely continue, although I'm kinda waiting for the good bits to start coming in.

Paris to KL...

2007-06-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

I arrived Paris early in the morning on Saturday, while at the Amsterdam airport I had found some loose change and bought myself some tidbits, then of course I got hungry and had to change more Euro which I didn't want to earlier. Just to show how worthless the currency is, I had to change over RM300 just to get EU50, now what can be more pathetic - oh I know, Pounds. Aaargh...

Well a cheese sandwich later I'm on the plane to Paris and almost instantly arrived, yeah I fell asleep. Didn't get much sleep last night. Paris airport was a bit confusing, coming out of the gate I couldn't tell which way to go. So having the old Brittish tendency of following queues I did, I looked for the longest queue and just stood there. Now a proper way would be to ask someone, which I did eventually and discovered that, obviously I've wasted 15 minutes in the wrong queue and had to get out to another terminal.

Cutting things short, when I finally got to the terminal and found the check in counter I thought my ordeal was over. I was going to have an ice cream, maybe some lunch and then hang out at the boarding gate until it was time to leave. But as fate would have it..

"Excuse me! Sir can you come over here please."

"French customs, please come with us,"

Duh...

"French customs, we need you to come with us."

"Do you have anything valuable in your bag worth more than 7500 Euro?"

No.

"Is this your only bag? Do you have check-in?"

No, this is my only bag.

"Are you sure?"

...Yes I am.

It was two men in vests, one was short, balding with stubby hair and the other a taller brown haired guy. Both appeared very dodgy and had a slightly thuggish demeanor but would easily be picked out as plainclothes policemen. They took my boarding pass and passport which was in my hands, and the taller one grabbed my one and only luggage leaving me with no choice but to follow them.

I was taken into a security room upstairs behind one of the customs information counters that was set up. The room was dark and my first thought was "great I'm going to get gang-raped by a gay frenchmen and put into a porn video, I hope they give me marketing rights for Asia."

One of them guarded the closed door while the other helped me open my luggage and take out everything. They went through all the envelopes, my business cards and clothes, then poked around underneath the bag and inbetween all the zippers. Then they began going through a series of questions all designed to confuse me and make me look guilty.

"Why were you in Brussels?"
"Is this your only luggage?"
"What do you do?"
"How long were you in Brussels?"
"Were you in Amsterdam?"
"Why were you in Amsterdam?"
"Where did you stay?"
"Where do you work?"
"What work do you do?"

And so on and so forth. I guess that went on for over 30 minutes and by the time I was done being searched, I've lost the window and appetite to have lunch. My flight was leaving in under an hour, and I've still yet to figure out where the gate is! They let me go, looking a little disappointed, can't blame em, caught the wrong guy - you bastards!

I found my way to the gate, of course there was a long queue again, and luckily the flight waited because I got there just in time. It was good to be able to just sit down on the plane and vegetate for a while, I've got only one day rest before I have to fly down to Singapore. That was quite an adventure.

From Amsterdam to Paris...

2007-06-15T01:30:00.000+08:00

I did warn earlier that my journey home would be an adventure. Well it all started after I missed that flight out of Brussels...

The flight was supposed to leave at 1850pm however the dark skies should have signaled something to me. A long chain of cars blocked the Citroen taxi from getting into the highway that leads to the Brussels International Airport. The taxi driver was expert enough in maneuvering his machine around the trucks and cars but the stop-and-go motion of the ride was seriously making me nauseous. I had considered asking him to slow down and that we have plenty of time, but the fact that he arrived late and was insanely in a hurry to get somewhere else - I decided to let the man do his job.

We arrived in one piece, or rather I managed to hold down my cookies until we reached the airport. Check in was simple enough, they had managed to check me in all the way through provided I make the connection in Amsterdam. Earlier that day, with some help I had already forseen this to be a problem and had tried very hard to make an earlier flight that should give some time for weather delays, but all flights were full. So here I am stuck on the 1850pm flight waiting at the gate - hoping that the delay is not too long for me to catch the other leg to KL. I only have 1 hour. Not enough by any standard.

I checked my watch, its now 1915pm, and there was this tiny propeller type plane, a Fokker 50 from what I can tell at the gate. It's so tiny the boarding ramps can't connect to it obviously, so we probably have to climb down and climb through a window or something and start paddling for all I know. The crowd was getting really anxious, more than half the plane was on transit in Schiphol Airport and everyone was missing their connections.

I asked a French dude what was happening and he related about the weather delays, them sending in a smaller plane due to the original one was delayed. We finally boarded at around 1945 and my carry-on was too big for the plane and was chucked in with the luggage. I was seated at 14F - the single aisle of the plane separated two rows of seats on either side. I walked down all the way to the back and found my chair with some guy in it. It was the last seat on the plane, right in the corner.

A few more people got on, apparently there are some people with tickets to row 15. Row 15? The plane only had 14 bloody rows! A guy showed up with a ticket for 12B, there was no 12B, just row A and C, where the hell was he going to sit? I finally took a neighbour, an Italian girl heading to Venice, she had 15D. Much confusion - laughing and threats to sit in with the luggage - later we finally got an apology from the pilot (whom we can see having drinks and pretzels in the cockpit). The around 2000hrs we took off on a very bumpy ride.

Needless to say I missed my connection. We landed at about 10 minutes to 2100hrs but the bus ride to the terminal took forever. Three scotsmen were calling the terminal about the flights shouting out the results.

"So where yer goin? Kuala Lumpur, Kuala Lumpur?"

"Kuala Lumpur!", he shouts into the phone.

"Boarding, next . Cork? Cork?"

"Boarding, who else? Anyone going to Singapore? On time 2130."

"Anyone else? Venice? Rescheduled for 2200."

The the Frenchman asked for Bordeaux, when was it leaving?

"Bordeaux? Nah we don't care about that, it's French!"

Funny people. Finally, most people made their connections, because they were also delayed. My flight was on time for once and of course I missed it. The Italian girl also missed her flight back home but was among friends. It took me 45 minutes to get the connection back to KL out of Paris at noon the next day. I had to spend the night somewhere and then take the early flight tomorrow to Paris... ah Paris...

If your heart is burdened by

2007-06-13T17:45:00.000+08:00

If your heart is burdened by,
The troubles of the world then I;
Will carry them in my arms away,
So you will never face dismay.
For sorrow never has blessings brought,
And sadness never meant for naught;
Like darkness it will blind your way,
Then further lead your heart astray.
No burden should your soul to bear,
In silence nor solitary air;
No trouble should you keep alone,
No worry should you keep your own.
But together we may set it free,
The weight that sets on you and me.
We'll set it on the winds that blows,
That faith and hope may now regrow.
No burden so heavy,
That two can't carry.
For me or you I can't deny,
All that your heart is burdened by.

Brussels

2007-06-10T23:12:00.000+08:00

I hate how I've written the last few posts, not the poems but the other posts. I sound so dull.

But yeah I can get rather formal at times, especially given that I've practically sent out my blog address to everyone well almost everyone I know doesn't help either. But we'll leave that discussion for another time.

The trip to Brussels was great. On the second last day I finally managed to drag my sorry ass out of the hotel after work and head 20 minutes downtown to see the sights. Obviously I got lost almost immediately and got on the wrong train. Duh. Well things were in French, luckily I realised the mistake almost immediately and got off at the next stop to wait for the real one. Fortunately that train stops there too, if not it may have been a disaster.

The sun sets quite late and I wandered from the station to the Grand-Place, a famous medieval square or plaza in Brussels downtown. The beauty of the place took my breath away: ancient 17th century gothic architecture and the sheer size of it all was stunning. I wandered about - finding tourists from all over, mostly were Americans although more and more Asians were coming to Europe as well. The cobblestone square is a public meeting place, originally it was the center of trade in Belgium and the surrounding buildings were the offices of 17th century corporations.

That day as I sat on the sidewalk watching the people pass, it was just a hang out for kids and tourists. People sat where ever they want, even in the middle of the square there were groups just sitting down enjoying the evening air. I saw an Asian couple sitting down eating ice cream, parents with their kids, a bald man on a bicycle and the funniest thing was a man walking by with a fat grey tabby on his shoulders - the cat had a bewildered look on its face and a leash was hanging down its owners back. At least it wasn't trying to run away, maybe it just got sick of walking.

I also saw a young indian mother with her 2 or 3 year old boy. He was running up and down the center of the plaza when another blonde 2 year old came over and tried to make friends. It was funny watching kids trying to make friends, awkward but honest at the same time.

I overheard a conversation, a grand mother, her son in a suit and tie and a young blond child were walking. I could only assume she was his daughter and her grandchild.

I listened to her tell her grand daughter, "A long time ago, one of your great-grand fathers lived in this building."

"A very, very, very, very long time ago," added the dad.

The girl just stared at the building, it was a large grey structure with gothic carvings and statues all over. Four stories tall but taller still with the large bronze domed roof and hellenic pillars framing the highest floors. A broad staircase leads up to a pair of large black doors, now closed. It's now an art museum.

"Did he die?" she asked

"Yes," replied the grandmother, "a long time ago."

There was a pause as she considers that. Then she grabs her father's hands and those of her grandmother using them as leverage to swing in between.

"Let's go.." she said.

History can wait I suppose, especially when there are so many more fun things to do in life. The last thing I heard was her laughter as she raced up the square with her father.

I took refuge from the sunset later that evening on the terrace of a tavern called Roy de Espange or King of Spain. It was at the southern end of the square (well south if you considered I came in from the northern side - I have no idea where north actually was). The food was considerably Belgian, but it was interesting at least.

By then I had wandered all over the small streets along the plaza, all of them winding somewhere or another towards more collections of old buildings that have been refurbished but still maintained that ancient austere look. It would be drag to tell about everything I saw, suffice to say it was rather dark and late before I was done - and had to take the taxi back as I was advised.

The next day I flew back. That was another adventure.

Everything changes

2007-06-10T23:04:00.001+08:00

I just realised that I have to change my blog description, maybe even the title. It says "rants from the world's tallest twin towers" which for me is no longer true because I've left my old job and moved on to something new. But since I've yet to think of a suitable description, the old one will have to suffice.

Everything changes to an extent. In the last days of my employment I realised that my being gone has in many small ways impacted the lives of many people, and in large ways impacted the lives of those who are closest to me. It just goes to show again how little thought went into all of this. Had I known they would be so deeply affected, I may have made the plans to a little smoother. I may have waited for the baby to be born of course and that among other things.

Though as things go, the decision was made and at that last moment while I had the opportunity to renegotiate the starting date, I did not. Well it wasn't an opportunity really, but such things can be created. After all I've been in the business of negotiations and the creation of opportunities. It should be my specialty.

In case it has not dawned yet, I'm back home waiting to head off to Singapore tomorrow. The trip to Brussels had been an eye opener and I'm clearer in the roles and expectation that I have to play now. The job is mostly the same except for the fact there are less people in the company and basically everything is more hands on.

Last night I dreamt of you again

2007-06-10T21:14:00.000+08:00

Last night I dreamt of you again
In the dawn of night's sweet refrain
Among flowers and fields of grass
Where lonely hearts had often pass
Soft breezes blowing
The lonely stream flowing
Where the green envies nature's touch
In a place of peace and as such
The sun's great shine can never fade
And the snow and rain are never made
In a world of green and reddish blooms
And coy pink buds and orange plumes
May all the clouds lay down their showers
Or dark hearts come to pluck the flowers
You weaved the failing nature's loom
And drive away the coming gloom
Though my heart had died
And at times my heart had cried
I feel relinquished from the pain
Last night I dreamt of you again.

Copyright ©2007 Rizal Repin

Mehendi

2007-06-08T22:19:00.000+08:00

She left without warning,
and returned with mehendi-coloured hands,
ring-bound to a man from foreign lands,
eyes glistened with tears of happiness and confusion.
I've warned of love and loss,
yet still failed to see--blind.
Now as we danced to the rhythm of the Banghra,
a haunting yet joyful theme of happiness and regret,
though we praise and cheer,
the celebrations raze huddled spirits
that know and worry that our gifts are forgotten.
Like the mehendi we decorate the skin of Indian daughters,
a binding, artful chain that marks remembrance and promise,
until we are washed by water and time,
like we were meant to.

Copyright ©2007 Rizal Repin
Silver Prize Winner 2006
International Library of Poetry

The Dancer

2007-06-07T20:32:00.000+08:00

The dancer tells her story
and rhythm becomes the words
movement and melody are her arms
and feet moving an invisible quickness
eyes expressive show a longing
marked of eye shadow
her lips curve into that smile
a half moon that beckons hearts to stop
and wonder-is she speaking to me?
there is rhythm in her walk
a gracelike that swan in flight
landing in the lakes, breaking
that perfect mirror
that reflect the perfect sky
her movement echoed by the chorus
that rippled through air like water
bursting again with energy
powerful and resolute
yet laced with deepening shadow
the dancer tells her story
rhythm becomes her soul and music
a canvas of paints we see
and only that from afar.

Copyright ©2007 Rizal Repin

First week...

2007-06-05T00:58:00.000+08:00

Good news, at least they work the same way that I used to in the previous company. A lot of talking, consultation and the occasional jumping of conclusions and many many miscommunications. You'd think it was easy, but having a diverse team of multi nationals trying to speak English and sounding coherent is tougher than it sounds.

Most of the people here speak French and English and I was quickly introduced to some of the more colorful characters at the office. The first thing I did was try to troubleshoot my own email, seems like it didn't work, another Firewall issue. Gave up on that just about lunch time and continued after lunch with a discussion with the boss cum owners.

A marked difference from any Asian company was in the way they approached work. The first topic of discussion was of work life balance. Oooh we spent over an hour on this one, what was important, what my wife likes and dislikes - our work habits, what's she going to be doing, et cetera. Apparently they like to know these things so they can anticipate if the staff are going to have issues with the family or working too much and neglecting the people at home. How about that?

The learning curve is staggering as well. So much to understand, even things that we had assumed to be practiced or logical had other ways which make more sense to do. Obviously this would be a different experience from what I've had and I'd really need to catch up now.

Difficult days..

2007-05-16T16:06:00.000+08:00

The 29th of May marked the day I walked out of the office for good. It was a difficult day, but one that has been looming for some time. I sent perhaps one of the most difficult emails I had to write, a final message for the friends I'm leaving behind.

I said that there was to be no goodbyes or farewells. I'm not that fond of goodbyes, they make me sad and that's the last thing I need now. The email was sent approximately at about 515pm, close to quitting time. After which I had to quickly leave, because the emotions were running a little high. I only came back later that night to quietly take my things and move on.

How can one say goodbye to ten years of memories? Everyone has become more like family rather than just friends. You love your family, and you don't leave the people you love. It's just not done.

On Saturday, just 4 days away I'll be leaving for Europe to begin my first week at the new company. It's just a familiarisation trip, and I still have little expectations, they probably have more to expect from me. I just hope my brain doesn't freeze up.

Definitely more to come.

Arriving at my New Island Home

2007-05-09T14:10:00.000+08:00

Arriving at my new island home
I feel guiltily unexcited
Fitting that I should arrive at the harbour
Where fortunes have been made
Jewels and gems that I neither need nor want.
Then too quickly lost in all that is modern, efficient
But cold.
The drizzle follows me where I go,
As if rainclouds come from my arms
And my body - like the sky
White alabaster and grey dirty marble.
This is not my home.
But the strange humming of the driver
oddly calming
Like the lyrical singing of the Quran reader
Calling out sweetly and full of longing.

Coffeeshop

2007-04-30T15:30:00.000+08:00

the white rocking horse greets
remnants of happier times
coffee mixed with tea
a bun of coconut jam and butter
crispy warm
inviting dark and light
sweet like a gentle gesture
of hands on hands
aching sweet
not what I'm used to. Aching.
sixty years on the walls
reminders that things change
but we remain old inside
an old haunt
a place for lovers
family
and friends

Copyright ©2007 Rizal Repin

Stillness

2007-04-25T18:10:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I like to be still. There is something comforting in the quietness of things and the silence of an empty room. Moments like these are few and far between. Perhaps a few stolen minutes in the early morning hours, where I float between waking and sleeping. Perhaps during those moments when I am left alone, those few seconds or minutes when everyone has left the room and everything suddenly falls silent.

It is then that I really fall into place with myself. The little moments of quiet contemplation or meditation does a lot to assuage any pain or anguish I may be harboring.

I'm afraid of being alone - but I like to be left alone. Does it make sense? It's not about being alone, but about being lonely. I suppose my greatest fear is to live life and die unremembered.

So I try to be still. There is comfort in the quietness of things. It reminds me that my fears are still alive that it is there in that empty room with me, waiting to steal a few more moments of my short existence. Fear robs us of our ability to move forward and our ability to live our lives.

In much the same vein, love does the same thing. Love freezes us from moving forward and only when we learn to let it go - little by little - we begin to learn to live again. It is with our parents, our first loves, our husbands and wives.

Yeah you may disagree. The purists will say love is always there and it evolves, changes as the relationship develops. But is not the evolution of love also is its dissolution? Don't we feel like it's easier to love less the longer the love lasts? If we did not let go of love, won't we all still be tied to our parents bosom - unable and unwilling to let go and move on? Maybe we don't want to admit it but as our relationship progresses, we become more comfortable to let go of love.

Maybe love is meant to be temporary and falls out as soon as we stop needing it? Maybe I'm wrong.

News Alert

2007-04-19T19:48:00.000+08:00

US FDA reports that there are several brands of pet food being banned and recalled. They apparently were found to be contaminated with Melamine, a fertiliser based plastic - same stuff your plastic plates are made of. It's toxic and was found to be contained in wheat-gluten and rice protein laced with melamine.

You can download the full list from HERE .

FDA reports 16 related pet deaths, due to kidney failure, but organisations say the numbers are already into the thousands. Symptoms are lethargy, loss of appetite or vomiting.

Progress

2007-04-19T19:06:00.000+08:00

I got my work permit today, or at least the "in-principle approval letter for employment pass". It basically means I submit 3 pictures then collect my work permit within 6 months or its revoked.

I still haven't started on the check list the company's given me to clear out before I can leave. Maybe it's because I'm still thinking about it, maybe it's because I know there are a couple of things on the list that I just can't tick off yet. So why bother starting when you KNOW you can't finish it off. I'm such a procrastinator.

Apparently I'm a loser too. I just discovered my sister's blogs. Very nice. So spent a few minutes going through that. Then checked out the World's Best Travel Site... check it out, you won't be disappointed. But remember I'm biased towards the author.

Day by day as I think about the month of June 2007. It's a big month, a very important time. It means I'm starting someplace new, I'm moving on as they say. A couple more of my closest friends are getting married. CM in Australia is finishing his PHD and it's less than a month away from the Baby's due date. You know if I was an astrologer I'd be looking for strange lunar and planetary alignments, it's just too close you know? Maybe the universe or rather my universe is saying something - maybe it's been saying it but I've just recently listened.

I'm going down to Singapore early May to check out the company, have a meeting with the new boss, decide on the handover and maybe just maybe catch up with the relatives I have there. It's a lot to do for just one and half days. I've been fiddling with the idea of travelling to Brisbane to check on CM before he graduates - but there are things messing with the schedule. Not sure if its a good time to go, it's too close to the Singapore trip and the flights are full.

A psychologist said that trusting your gut instinct is important and the best decisions are the ones made without long deliberation. Apparently there is another brain at work, a subconscious lower level brain that processes intensely and rationally but at lightning speed. That's where hunches, gut feeling and all the gamut come from. Psychologists call it "thin slicing" defined as the ability of our unconscious to arrive at a conclusion by recognising patterns in situation and people based on narrow "slices" of experience. It's what I'd call your true desire. We don't know it, but it's there. When we felt that something is good and we do it, that's where the decision was made.

This move was rather like that for me. It was an impulse. Much like getting married. In the early weeks of the resignation in fact I did use that very same analogy. I decided to change jobs in much the same way as I decided to marry, rather suddenly, without thought or reason. It was gut instinct telling me it was time to go. Perhaps that's why in both occassions, I can't really describe my motivations. I don't really know... and that's how it's meant to be, I suppose.

Felt: Sad
Seen: Faces in my dreams
Heard: Heaven, Nidji

Only Hope

2007-04-18T11:58:00.000+08:00

There's a song that's inside of my soul
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again
I'm awake in the infinite cold
But You sing to me over and over and over again

So I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands
and pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now you're my only hope

Sing to me of the song of the stars
Of Your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again
When it feels like my dreams are so far
Sing to me of the plans that You have for me over again

I give You my apathy
I'm giving You all of me
I want Your symphony
Singing in all that I am
At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back

And I lay my head back down
And I lift my hands and pray
To be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I pray to be only Yours
I know now You're my only hope

Copyright ©2007 Switchfoot

Fade to Black

2007-04-18T11:25:00.000+08:00

Life, it seems, will fade away,
Drifting further every day,
Getting lost within myself,
Nothing matters no one else.
I have lost the will to live,
Simply nothing more to give,
There is nothing more for me,
Need the end to set me free.

Things not what they used to be,
Missing one inside of me,
Deathly lost, this can't be real,
Cannot stand this hell I feel.
Emptiness is filling me,
To the point of agony,
Growing darkness taking dawn,
I was me, but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself, but it's too late,
Now I can't think, think why I should even try
Yesterday seems as though it never existed,
Death greets me warm, now I will just say goodbye.

Copyright ©2007 James Hetfield

Meaning

2007-04-12T19:04:00.000+08:00

"It's funny how things take on a meaning once they're over... that's when the story begins."

We talk and talk. One word comes after another, but it is only when the music of the voice tells us that the full stop is coming that we finally understand where the words are leading us. We get on with our lives and facts pile up, but it is only when time allows us to look back at ourselves that we understand where our lives were leading.

It is only because the words succeed one another and then die that their meaning can emerge.

When our childhood comes to an end, we turn it into narrative, and when our lives are coming to an end, we discover why we had to live them. It is time that makes us aware of meaning, most times we discover them too late.

This is probably the longest I've ever spent in one place - almost 10 years. When it's finally close to being over I can't help wondering why I'm trying so hard to get away? Then after I've made the decision, why is it so hard to leave?

I guess I don't relate to change as well as I used to, being in one place for so long will do that to you. In recent days I've been struck by the very idea of mortality. We will change, we will move on, then we will die. It's nothing new but the finality of it all just hit me.

But why now? Looking back, all the past changes did not effect me as much as this one did. As a family we used to move so much that I had to change 3 kindergartens, 4 primary schools and 3 high schools. Then there was college, 2 years here then 2 years there. Emotional attachment never meant anything. I detach myself from people, places, things - it became a kind of defense mechanism against feeling the change.

I detached my feelings from my family, my friends - myself. So much so that I've often forget who I really am. When I find something or someone, I seem to willingly change, metamorphose into a person that would get along well with that person. I adapt quickly, even abandoning things that matter to me, or used to matter. I tell myself it's part of the change process. Repeat this a thousand times and it can be very damaging.

I don't think I can do that anymore. After 10 years of accepting people, faces, places - things; it's now so hard to let them go. It is as if I have gathered all the people and all the places and all the memories that matter to me, held them really close, locked them in my heart and never let them go. But then again everyone changes sooner or later - I need to learn something new, acceptance.

I don't usually remember people, places. I forget them. So I don't remember. I never take pictures of myself. I never take pictures with people. I don't collect trinkets or memories. I don't buy souveniers for myself. Nothing reminds me of anything. When something has passed, it is gone. Acceptance is a foreign word when there are no memories to accept.

So meaning is becoming important. I need to figure out what it all means.

Love

2007-04-11T18:17:00.000+08:00

There is no remedy for love, only to love more.

Hmmm...

2007-04-10T09:54:00.000+08:00

I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned that it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned that you can keep going long after you can't.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I've learned that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many years you have lived.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I've learned that two people can look at the same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I've learned that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you you will find the strength to help.

I've learned that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned that the people you care about most in life are sometimes taken from you too soon.

Seven - Revisited

2007-04-08T22:16:00.000+08:00

Seven Things to do Before I Die
1) Publish my book.
2) Compile my poetry, maybe print some of them.
3) Fall in love and stay in love again and again...
4) Be at peace with myself and my loved ones.
5) Go to Mecca and complete the Haj.
6) Revisit the places that have created the best memories for me.
7) Be a good person.

Seven Things I Could Do
1) Be present.
2) Start writing my story.
3) Work on being happy.
4) Work on my marriage.
5) Keep in touch with my friends.
6) Love my family.
7) Have no regrets.

Seven Things I do to be Happy
1) Play RPG.
2) Connecting with friends.
3) Have a good conversation.
4) Listen to loud music - fun music.
5) Sing.
6) Dance.
7) Smile.

I tag everyone who reads this... Let me know who you are in my comments so I can read yours! For those wondering why this is a revisit, check out the original post here.

Ode To A Muffin

2007-04-02T23:47:00.000+08:00

I have no idea what possessed me to write this...

Ode to a Muffin

I can't finish my muffin,
Oh what am I to do?
My stomach seems fully sated,
My mouth wish not to chew.

But oh wonderful muffin,
So rich with wild blueberries.
You seem so delicious now,
Truly the food of faeries.

There's only a small morsel,
left upon the cup.
Why, oh why please tell me,
Why can't I gobble you straight up?

You sit there and tease me,
And laugh as I choke my throat.
Oh muffin of wild blueberries,
Shall I stock you in my coat?

So then I can eat you later,
When my mouth feels like a bite,
But oh delicious muffin,
you're far too small and light.

Oh fair delicious muffin,
No more than a little lump,
My questions are without answers,
So have fun in the dumps.

Copyright ©2007 Rizal Repin

Injuries...

2007-03-30T15:09:00.000+08:00

Wife had a memorable birthday last week. After our friends came by to surprise her just after 11pm, I spent the remainder of the night at my usual place, in front of the PC. At around 230am when I was about to close up, I ran up the stairs at my usual pace, but this time tripped and fell upwards on the landing. In the process dislocating my arm at my right shoulder.

It was painful. At first I thought I bruised it or sprained it, but the pain was intense, especially if I tried to move it around. When I felt it, it really felt different, my upper arm was deeper within and I could feel the shoulder bone when normally it would be flesh.

We went to the clinic and the bemused doctor (wondering how the hell someone could do this at such late an hour) took his sweet time to write in a recommendation to the hospital. Still in pain, Pauline dragged me up towards the emergency entrance and I got checked in.

I had to do a couple of x-rays to make sure what it was. The surgeon showed up, racing from home - I have to be very thankful for that. It was 330am by this time. He said if he was in my position and the doctor didn't come he'd be swearing away at the fler. By now I had 2 doses of painkillers which were really not making much of a difference. They gave me 2 more, plus valium and an instant later the arm was back in place. I hardly noticed it, too high already by then.

In any case, they've got me in a sling and I've got limited arm movement for a couple of weeks. Can't move it even if I wanted to. Spent the night in the hospital, the first time ever in my life. But checked out by lunch the next day.

Monday I've got another checkup, this time he's going to give some exercises. I'll be in physio for a while.

Always

2007-03-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

Would you believe me, if I said,
That I would never go?
Could you drink of my ageless love,
When the cups does overflow?

I shall always remember,
The memories I shared with you,
Forever etched in this longing heart,
Even should time split us two.

When you walk away my dear,
Please look a glance behind,
I shall be as shadows near,
My touch you'll always find.

I am still here for you,
Please believe this begging soul,
Life is worth for just one kiss,
From you my love of old.

Sunrise

2007-03-29T00:20:00.000+08:00

Dawn lights the rocky seas,
as the weathered rocks are shown,
she shines upon the rocks and trees,
that lay hinged before the blown.

She strokes the gentle ocean tides,
as the soft green waves unfold,
and caressed the hills and countrysides,
that lay cuddled in the kindly cold.

She danced upon the quavering reeds,
as they shelter from the morning hue,
she kissed the green of a newformed seed,
that lay thirsted for the falling dew.

She hugged, with warmth, the newborn doe;
as it shivers in her blinding light,
she shines upon the dew that glows,
like a jewel on a darkest night.

Dawn lights the endless lands,
that dwell by the unknown,
she clings to day with her ending sands,
as she hinges before the blown.

A Leaf Upon the Winds

2007-03-28T22:38:00.000+08:00

I am like a falling leaf, fallen from a branch up high;
Blown away so quietly, by a wind from the eastern sky.
You are like the eastern wind, coming from lands afar;
To bring the promise of eternity, to heal an aching scar.

I am like the falling leaf, blown waysides and beyond;
And I drift on your eastern breeze, so galeful yet forlorn?
You are like the eastern wind, blowing such sweet romance:
"Will you seek with me a deep true love, perhaps another chance?"

"I go where you go my love, my soul shall be forsake;
But I am but a wayward leaf, no passage do I take."
Then you like the eastern wind, blowing this soft caress;
You lift me far and lift me high but I'll fall down nontheless.

I am the falling leaf, dancing in your warm, sweet breeze;
But your winds will take you far away, each moment we must seize.
Then I the wayward leaf, will come gently onto the earth;
Your eastern gale has come and gone, my destiny you can't reverse.

Insomnia

2007-03-19T11:42:00.000+08:00

It's a jumble of feelings. Sometimes when I think of all the new things we're going to have to do, or get used to over in Singapore. Add the fact that we won't have our support system 30 minutes away from us, it feels more than a little intimidating.

Starting a family is challenging enough, starting one while overseas and distant from your close friends and relatives is even more so. Yeah we have acquiantances and family there, but I don't about the wife, I've basically been incomunicado with them for a little over 5 years now - the family I mean.

At the same time its also good to have time to spend with each other and really create that singular family unit - without any parental units to butt in. That's going to be a relief more or less. Less comments, less suggestions, less pressure, we're going to be left to our own devices.

I guess overall, I'm less worried about the job than about the hassle of moving there. Thinking of what to buy, what to bring over. Packing, moving, unpacking. Reorganising this and that. The logistics of "stuff" and "people" are going to be hell to organise, and I'm not the most organised person in the world.

So I decided to start yesterday night. Spent most of the night sorting out old files, letters, bills and cleaning out the bookshelf in the study that has been cluttered with our junk. Basically we're both a little bit paranoid about throwing things away, she more so than me. So once in a while I just need to crack the whip and throw away things that's been sitting on the shelves. It's amazing how much space old letters and receipts take, managed to collect a whole huge trash bag worth! Finished at 4 am though.

Next will be filing stuff. Probably get the files next few days and create a proper filing system for all the Important Stuff, and neat bins for all the Possibly Important Stuff, and smite anything older than 2 years. Eventually I'll need to check out both storerooms and seek and destroy more junk, make a list of all the things useful and then separate them to Keep Here, Bring Along and Give Away. Then it'll be the kitchen and the rest of the stuff in the house, which probably won't happen until later in the year when the whole family moves over. Books will definitely stay. At the rate we're buying I'll need a house just for the books. So much work. Urgh.

Woke up this morning feeling sleepy, wanted to call in a holiday, but had stuff to discuss with boss, and since I won't be sleeping anyway there's really no point in staying home.

I have no empathy?

2007-03-16T17:12:00.000+08:00

A strange but necessary conversation with one of my staffs revealed that for someone to be a good trader he must have among skills: high drive, strong resilience and no empathy. Apparently this is what he was told during a personality test and "job-fit" questionaire that qualified leaders had to take. I passed mine already and went through to a couple more and now I do recall some mention about empathy. I should pay more attention to these people.

So it's quite disturbing to think that I may not have much empathy for people. And you know what... given how anti-social I can be sometimes, it may be true. This empathy is described as being able to perform the trading duties, without any need for emotional support or having a need to give emotional support to the counterpart or customer. In simple terms to be able to sell something to someone and make decent money without feeling guilty or regret.

In social terms I don't know how to describe it, but I guess it's how well you connect to other people and "empathise" with them.

In his case, it was revealed that he had too much empathy for people and have the need to just help everyone. That's the reason apparently for his stress levels. Always trying to please too many people. Well as for me, I'm just happy pleasing myself. Does it sound like me? Yeah it kinda does. I hardly get stressed out if a delivery is screwed (because of forces I cannot control) or if I make an obscene amount of profit. Apparently some people do.

So while it seems like I'm suited for the job, I'm left wondering if it's the job that made me, or am I made for the job all along?

Web it?

2007-03-16T09:26:00.000+08:00

I've been going online to look for resources or websites relating to pregnancies or birth or childcare. There are tons of course but rare it is to find a local site that has the information that we need. In fact I haven't found one yet. Not a single local childcare / childbirth website that can give hospital news and information, information on courses, products etc. Are we so far down the technological ladder that no one has thought of using the internet to build this kind of service? Wife has also been up several trees on this, said she found a great site but guess what.. Singaporean. Sigh.

Well since we've seen the need, maybe we should start one. I mean the only alternative we have now is to actually call up hospitals, or go asking around people who's "done it." Of course knowing how friendly the local customer services here are usually, its not something I'm particularly looking forward to.

In any case, at the very least we will have to check out our chosen hospital. That much is okay, but they could have at least put more information in their website. There's absolutely nothing about childbirth information on their site. The same is true for a few other hospitals I've checked. The internet is nothing more than a glorified yellow pages for these guys, its like reading a prospectus or a brochure. So no imagination one. Useless in fact. For an example of a pretty good hospital website check out Beaumont Hospitals' site. Its in the US. Not the most flashy site, but all the relevant info is there. It's at least functional.

Looks like we'll have to manually do this. Bleh..

Its a Girl!

2007-03-07T22:26:00.000+08:00

We did the scans last week and finally found out that we are expecting a girl. So time to sharpen those pencils and start coming up with a namelist... it's a short list so far. I won't discuss the options here, don't want to ruin the surprise, but it's between 2-3 names.

The question now is more about whether we're going to have a long one, that includes a Chinese name or not. I am open to ideas, so anyone feel free to suggest.

Baby Names!

2007-02-28T22:50:00.000+08:00

Here's a quick one. Wife and I were pondering baby names, while it may seem like a great idea that we wait until we know if its a boy or a girl before thinking (yes we're that lazy), a friend suggested we prepare for both!

Makes sense because you never really know until the baby is born, seriously, seems like there's a still a good chance that the earlier scans (no matter how many times it was taken) could be wrong. Maybe the eyes missed something. Anyway, I was told of her sister who apparently was told over and over again that it was a girl. A last minute scans, we're talking about the day before delivery kind of last minute, confirmed it was still a girl. Then voila, out came the birdie! Whoops! Luckily they were prepared for both.

We've seem to be able to come up with more girls names than boys. The score is at least 3 to 1. But because of disagreements its closer to 2-0. Yup so sad, can't think of a name for a boy. Not to say that we've cleared the names with the Parental Units either. Parental Unit M is nearly insistent on a "religious" name. We're pretty much thinking global. To me, its got to have a good meaning and doesn't spell or sound like anything horrible in any major foreign tongue. Don't know what the in-laws think, although I doubt they will be as picky as Unit M. Unit F doesn't really have much to say about it, as usual.

As an afterthought, yes I've quit my last job and will be taking on a new one in Singapore. Yay! Of course current company being what it is, I've got to slog through another 3 months because they are insisting on a 3 month notice. Weird thing is they still haven't taken me off any major decision making roles... I'm still doing what I was doing and have just been made in charge of another product. Maybe the whole thing hasn't really struck home for the bosses. We'll see what happens next week.

Felt: Free
Seen: Heroes
Heard: Barry White, Let's Get it On

I've Quit...

2007-02-27T13:16:00.000+08:00

So that's it. Watch this space, I'll fill in the details later.

Cuti Cuti Singapura

2007-02-26T17:40:00.000+08:00

Wow, 17 days since my last post. Actually to me it was less, had a post that never made it. Drafted, thought wanted to edit a bit - changed my mind. Was in Singapore over the weekend and I though I have many things to write, time and rather risk of not finishing (like last post which never made it - like it makes a difference to you) means I will put it down in point form.

1. Sales are really good in Singapore. When they discount its a real discount and its actually stuff you want to buy, not the offsized, lemon green crumpled up mess of a shirt in the cheap bin. But nice stuff. Of course I could have just gotten lucky, but if anyone's been shopping in sales in KL may agree with me.

2. A little planning goes a long way. Everything is so organised. I've been down too many times to count. But its usually the day business trips, in and out in 8 hours kinda thing. So.. I have never really been "around" in Singapore. As in the tourist fashion. So its kinda fun. Of course you can probably cover the main attractions in 5 days (or less) the point is its amazingly well thought out. Locations, malls, public transport and even the converted old buildings are nice.

3. Cost of living is lower. Strangely yes. I thought it was stupid at first, but things are actually cheaper there if you were a SGD earner - dollar per dollar / don't convert. The only thing expensive is the housing and cars, that kicks the cost of living up a lot. Food and everything else is similar or lower. But some luxury imports are more expensive.

4. Lots of options for vegetarians. Didn't really notice this at first, but met a veggie friend there who said it was so. Then I begin to notice that there's at least 1 veggie only stall in every single foodcourt, this is not counting restaurants. Theory: we probably notice it more because a) its an island b) things are closer together.

Next trip will be in March, we're planning to watch Phantom of the Opera showing at the esplanade. Probably will be one of the last trips we take together as a vacation for the next year or so. I never did like the idea of travelling with infants.

Felt: Cautiously giddy
Seen: The Oscars
Read: Tom Holt

Baby Contract

2007-02-09T18:06:00.000+08:00

Reading too many contracts and getting my head clogged up with jargons. This happens to us here a lot and we begin automatically replacing jargons for normal words. Here's a gag... what would a baby contract look like?

Buyer : Rizal And Pauline Inc. (Pauline and Rizal Co.)
Seller : God aka "higher being"
Duration : Evergreen with automatic renewal conditions
Product : Baby (gender undertermined) - CAS 600 600 644 644
Quantity : One
Quality : To be determined
Price : Oh you're so gonna pay
Payment : In advance
Delivery : Naturally, CFR
Shipment : ETA July 2007

Felt: Tired and hungry
Read: The Khairy Chronicles
Heard: El Grand Combo, Me Libere

New Blog, New Baby

2007-02-08T16:12:00.000+08:00

I wanted to start a new blog, got bored with this one. Seems it's not heading the way its supposed to head. My fault really, it is my blog, but its not ending up having the kind of content I originally wanted it to have. Maybe my writing is just crap. Or what I'm writing about is just crap.

Anyway, fiddled with blogger but can't really get it to change much without suffering through too much work. The templates are useful, but all these additional widgets are so damn confusing to install and never seem to work right. A redesign won't be too bad either.

If you've been following the wife's blog then the news has been out for a while. We're expecting a baby. Well I say WE, but really she's doing all the work. I just have to worry for both of us. When I tell people about the baby, the typical response would be,

"First one?"

Nod

Look for utter surprise and joy, "Wow, that's so great! Congratulations!"

Nod Nod Smile

"So when is she due?"

....

"Oh you must be so excited!"

"Yes?"

Its been a blur actually. Or rather I've been blur. I usually think what's the appropriate response to some of these comments and I haven't come with anything that I think describes the actual feeling. "Nice, great, excited" doesn't really cut it. Although the phrase "heavy with anticipation" comes rather close. Or rather the simpler "overwhelmed".

So yes, WE will be a having a baby.

Mother Teresa? I think not..

2006-08-09T23:18:00.000+08:00

(Inspired by Ashkarya) There's no way anyone in their lifetimes could ever hope to accomplishing what Mother Teresa did. Here's my favorite Mother T story.. I don't care if you have heard about it..

One day Mother T was scouring the streets of Calcutta looking for alms and in particular food for the many mouths she has to feed at her abbey. She was literally begging for food. At one particular rich mansion, she stopped and asked the owner to please give her some food for her people. The rich man looked at her in disgust and spit into her hands. Instead of walking away, Mother T said to him, "Thank you, that was for me, now can you please give me some food for my people?"

Wow.. blew me away when I first heard it. I've been going through some major self discovery these last few weeks. In case anyone is wondering what I've been up to since the last Asiaworks posting, I've been attending company sponsored trainings and workshops. I am proud to say that I've now been thoroughly brainwashed by the company as they never fail to do at any of their trainings. So including Asiaworks - and the hell that was last month, I guess its been an eye opener.

What I did: 1) team building at Janda Baik - learned about leadership, confidence and that I can actually write and perform a decent Rap. 2) Leadership workshop for "high potential" staff at Mandarin O. Went through a psyche analysis (the first of 2) - learned about leadership and leaders and that I have a particular mindset that kinda makes me feel very awkward being around other high performers.. maybe its because I'm 100% certain I'm out of the group next year? 3) Currently going through a leadership and self discovery program (with the Hays Institute) about what really motivates me.. what are my values.. what I am competent at.. what my boss thinks of me.. what I expected from my boss.. what my staff think of me.. what kind of climate do I create in the office.. AND AM I REALLY EFFECTIVE?

The answer to the last question was unfortunately .. not really. In fact most of us aren't. I am going to try and summarise my learnings in the following postings. It was very interesting (but if I ever see another psychologist again I'll shoot myself). I know for sure now why I do anything.. I can see what makes me and others tick... or tock.

But psychologists aside.. my favorite leader is Martin Luther King and my least favorite leader is Donald Trump. Why? Money doesn't drive me.. I get turned on by passion and great oration, and I believe in equal rights. Bill Gates is too simple a person, a nice and philanthropic guy, but too simple. I can never emulate Mother T, Gandhi's passive resistance was just not passionate enough, both Donald Trump and Bill Clinton are sleazes, Jack Welch is someone I look up to, a great leader and did a great job at GE - BUT not my favourite leader and Hellen Keller.. well I can never ever relate to what she went through. I was not deaf at 3.

However they were all great leaders in their own way. There are reasons why we choose the one we liked. Which one from that list is yours?

Poem Day

2006-04-03T00:49:00.000+08:00

Poetry

The words I write have come to be,
known to all as poetry;
from my heart has come of late,
the songs of love and songs of fate.

From my heart has come of late,
beneath the shell of my own faith,
came the rhymes of stories true,
and of all the things I've yet to do.

Came the rhymes of stories true,
and my hand, it slowly drew,
the rhymes of various symetry,
blind to eyes, but the heart can see.

The rhymes of various symetry,
this thing I write called poetry,
when mind's astray and thoughts had faltered,
the words I write shall never falter.

When mind's astray and thoughts had faltered,
and new blood's kin has come and withered;
I know my words will be at free,
alive forever and always be.

I know my words will be at free,
the rhymes I wrote called poetry,
with God may all you live to see,
my life and love in poetry.

Copyright ©2007 Rizal Repin

April Fools!

2006-04-01T14:25:00.000+08:00

I heard this one last night.

"What's happening on 22 April, something is happening right?"
"I don't know. Is it April fool's day?"
"No lah, its not!"
"There.. April Fools!"

-it's funnier when you're a bit high..

Went out singing with a buddy last night. First time in about a year. I don't normally make it a habit to go out. But I guess the stress from the PPA from hell experience is really driving me up the wall. Compounded that I'm still recovering from the trip to Johor and all. Plus the effects of not having slept well at all the past few days.

Anyway I survived the night. We checked out a Japanese place inside an insurance building near pudu. The place had really cool music. All the 80s rock stuff was there, found Motley Crue, Skid Row even. They even had Alice Cooper and Aerosmith's old stuff, some Def Leppard and a good selection from practically all the 70s rock bands! Wow. Clearly I was blown away.

We belted out the oldies and learned a few Japanese songs. Found out I can still read all that hiragana, at least well enough to sing a bit. The rock songs took a lot out of my voice, but it's been a while since I've seen some of those songs. Reminded me that I've still got more stuff to download once I get the broadband up and running again.

We left just around 2pm and caught up with Mr Beemer and gang over at this club downtown. Chicks galore! But the place was way packed. Got more drinks, but found out we were a bit off for this scene. Bunch of people just standing around girating and/or wiggling was just getting a bit old I suppose.

Sick of the smoke and the pointless standing around. We left for the corner mamak and waited for them to join us. After eating, we found out that I'm still not capable enough of finding my way home, so I got a ride - left my car at the office.

Cut to this morning, woke up with a major stomach discomfort, which is still there. I don't get hungover, no matter what or how much I drink. It's an ability I treasure. Cooked breakfast and now I'm back at the office, in front of the PC and trying to get in the mood to write. Got 1 article to finish and then that hellish PPA redos.

Felt: Sleepy and Queezy
Seen: Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations
Heard: Bowling for Soup

View from Above

2006-03-31T19:49:00.000+08:00

7:48 pm and I'm writing from a cubicle neighbour's place. Staff are using my PC to redo their assessment, I haven't even started on mine. I'm double booked this evening, have to meet my brother and also drinks with a customer. To add to that I'm exausted from the trip to Johor.

Yep, took an early flight for a contract nego in Johor. Then rushed back to the office to finish up work and the hellsent PPA. Haven't had dinner, but ate some leftover grapes in the meeting room from this afternoon's meeting.

I'm tired of a lot of things. Work is just one of it.

Cutback 24 hours ago, I was having drinks with buddies from work (which I hardly ever do really). Then we retired to a mamak and were joined by a few others - whom I'm meeting for the first time. There's Mr Moviemaker, the engineer and the expat-at-home - all from the company, or at least were ex company. We went to a bar later on and had red coloured drinks in a very smoky interior. The band was nothing to shout about, had a discussion if they were from a local or from a neighbouring country.

As the night wore on, the red liquids began to get drained. I began to get very fascinated with the way the lights created nice patterns on the ceiling fan, purple and green flowers. After a final round, they hopped to another place just down the road. I began to risk missing my flight the next day - so I hobbled home.

Cutback to today, made the flight. Nego was surprisingly easy. But work is still piled up. More than I thought. There were shipment problems and things to settle. But what the fuck..

Felt: Tired and Fed up
Seen: The News on TV3
Heard: Fly FM

Stupid Assessments Part Deux

2006-03-30T19:49:00.000+08:00

HAHAHAH.. Screw the damn PPA.. I've to submit it tomorrow and am currently very very "happy"... heheheh.. going off for more happiness now... AHHAHAHAA...

Sigh..

2006-03-29T21:16:00.000+08:00

Unfinished

true love -
like touching clouds
of heaven,
and the tingling calm of
delicious silky laughter.

desire -
like the anxious hope
of patience,
and eyes long awake with
long forbidden hunger.

Copyright ©2006 Rizal Repin

Is it ever going to end?

2006-03-29T19:13:00.000+08:00

I can't believe they are making us redo the entire assessment again. For the love of God! Help us!

Well its 7:15pm and I'm just about to recalculate the entire assessment ie. redo, because of another top-down decision. Apparently the way we were doing it was not reflective of whatever it is it was supposed to be reflective of. Someone said that the big boss wanted to give someone the pariah rankings.. so he can't just be selective on the figures for whoever the unfortunate soul is, he has to hit the system and make it similar across the board for all of us. This would maintain an aura of fairness, however at the expense of logic. Cest la vie..

Something Creepy?

2006-03-29T19:03:00.000+08:00

Its been written already.. so if you want to read the stuff about that creepy thing which got my hairs standing on end almost all night, read here..

Anyone for a game of old maid?

Confusion

2006-03-22T11:27:00.000+08:00

Its still early and my blood pressure is already up. Time to take a breather. There' a lot of politicking and maneuvering going on nowadays. I think its more of the hazards of the position. We've got external partners trying to get more control and heads up on our operations, got managers lobbying to get their staff higher grades, shipowners on my ass, plus the Gods of productions need to be appeased practically daily. I've got a lunch with one of them, hoping to resolve several outstanding issues by making some food offerings and the ritual kow-tows.

Hmm, looks like the time has come to see the high priests..

Strangeness

2006-03-19T01:19:00.001+08:00

Ever done something that you probably shouldn't and now you are wondering how to live with the consequences? That's kinda what I feel like right now. Human life is like that, always living in some sort of regret. Part of what makes us human I suppose.

I learned not too long ago (as part of a negotiations exercise) that all decisions are made at a moment of strong or high emotions. A person can be the most analytical guy in the world, however at the point of the decision, at the micro-second where he makes the call, the one little thing that pushes him over the edge.. is the emotion. If you are able to control that emotion, you can control their decision.

Think about that for a while.

We're all such emotional creatures, its a wonder if there is ever such a thing as the "rational decision."

Poem Day

2006-03-16T01:14:00.000+08:00

The Manic Mistletoe

A manic Mistletoe came to me,
on a snowy December morn.
She said "Kiss me! Kiss me!"
"Before this special day is gone."
"What special day?", I asked
"What auspicious day is this?"
"A season of good greetings?"
"On a quiet day of bliss?"

The before I could continue,
she kisses my face with glee,
a sloppy, sloshy, smoochness
that drips down to my knees!
"Eeew! Gross!", I say
"What a disgusting, sickly smooch,"
"Don't do that again Mistletoe,"
"I'd much rather kiss a pooch!"

"Hee hee!" said the Mistletoe,
"Hee tee-hee, tee-hee"
"Smooching wet lovely kisses,"
"Kiss me! Kiss me! Kiss me!"
The manic fairy flips a wing,
and flew up high away,
then dives down in spiral lights,
so beautiful if I may say.

"Wait little Mistletoe," say I
"Don't go away just yet,"
"Are you real? Are you true?"
"Are you some sick man's little pet?"
"Kiss-kiss! Me-me!"
She wants to smooch again!
Horrors and No! Thought I,
No more saliva stains!

The manic Mistletoe came up close,
her mouth drips with spit.
If you've met with fairies,
You'll know this disgusting bit!
My mind begins to reel,
I have to think quick,
The phonebook! Get the phonebook!
Oh God, this is sick!

She puckers up her lips,
and closes her eyes shut,
I tremble at the thought of it,
the slimy little slut!
I waited till she's really close,
and the air stank with drool,
then slammed the phonebook shut,
and squashed the goddamned little fool!

Copyright ©2006 Rizal Repin

Performance Planning & Assessment (PPA)

2006-03-10T09:42:00.000+08:00

Wish I could run down to eat. Right now I'm just waiting for the GM to get in the office. He just flew in from India this morning at 6am and was reportedly heading straight to the office. Since the bugger is not in yet, he must have gone home first.

Our PPA is due next week 17 March. I've got to assess 6 people. The weird thing about our system here is that managers are assessed by their peers. So other than my Senior Manager, I also have 5 assessments from my staff and 3 assessments from my peers. Here's what they think of me, these were done during mid year review (yup we have 2 to 4 assessments per year!) - spelling and grammar left as they were..

Subordinates:
Plus: "He is an effective manager. Able to understand his subordinates well. "
Minus: "In the area of task delegation, there's still room of improvement."

Peers;
Plus: "Good communication both verbal and writing."
Plus: "Very committed and reliable individual and meets deadlines despites his busy schedules."
Plus: "The incumbent clearly demonstrate, in his daily routine, a profound leadership quality that can be accepted by the superior, peers, subordinate and even established customers."
Plus: "Friendly but very firm. Can be branded as one of Petronas future LEADERS."
Plus: "Very competent in Propylene trading. Have good and reliable networks. Shows very stable emotional behavior espescially dealing with third parties."

Minus: "Cost control and monitoring, i.e. to enhance his skill relates to business analysis and economic modelling to enable him to tip top in all fronts."
Minus: "He should be considered for job rotation within Petronas OPUs and at least one oversea assignment." - This guy wants to get rid of me!
Minus: "Need more management skills. Need skills to be a true leader."
Minus: "Sometimes can be very tempremental, needs to be improved."

Anyway those are just some of the comments, which really only make up of about 25% of my rating. The other 75% are hard data and sales/trading targets. As you get higher up, as much as 50% of your rating can come from your peers and subordinates. So you better be a good boss. You can't screw your staff and expect a good rating, at the same time, can't treat them too well that your peers think you're too easy to bully. Plus your boss also comments, but I can't see where he puts his comments. Can't read it.

Can we cheat this system? Any ideas how?

Long night

2006-03-09T02:55:00.000+08:00

It's 3am and I just got back. Not quite drunk, rather high - still ok enough to slip the cops basically. It was one of those days - and became one of those nights. The whole morning was spent with the new CEO. He's a nice fler. Then spent the afternoon working a board paper. My boss escaped by heading out for training. Then at the end of the day, claimed he was too tired to come into the office and asked us for a meeting at his hotel. Dumb ass.

Evening was more interesting. More debauchery and drunkenness, in true oil and gas style. Had a customer from Singapore come in - wanted a night out. It was Mr Beemer's customer, and since he's out of budget, I had to cover for this case. So I dutifully followed Mr Beemer to a dinner and then followed by the ole karaoke session.

Dinner was nice. I wholeheartedly recommend Pregos.. Its a very chic Italian joint at the Westin. Very nice food. Excellent service. Cool crowds and fantastic Italian wine. We had 2 bottles - after trying out several. Ended up with an Aussie Merlot and Italian Chianti. Our customer picked the vintages, so fortunately for us he wasn't totally lost when it came to wine and we came up on top.

Food was great. The other two had racks of lamb and I took this weird salted seabass dish. The fish came whole and covered in salt. Huge rock ones. So the waiter took 5 minutes to carve out the fish and present it to me. It was nice, though I should have had red meat.

Pregos apparently has a fantastic one of a kind buffet on Sundays. During brunch around 11am to 3pm on Sundays they serve a buffet with food from their ala-carte menu. Which I find to be damn cool. Best part is buffet includes free flow of champagne and cocktails! Wow.. drunk on Sunday afternoon, gotta try that next week. Bad news is the price: RM 150 plus. But since the food is great, and if you like champagne then its a good deal.

We retired to SS for the karaoke session. Pling thought it would be a sleazy joint, but really its not that bad. It's got girls, but the place is not seedy - its the one on the ground floor of KL Plaza. The rest of our "kakis" joined in after a while and we ended up with 10 people in a rather large room: 5 boys and girls.

My last visit to SS, I ended up with Arlene, fake name forgotten. She was one of my mom's ex students at BBGS. Small world. So you can figure out how that turned out. This time it was Kris, real name Aliana. She's a 27 year old mother of 3 from Terengganu - mix of Thai, Chinese and Malay. So that went well too. But she's a looker though. Could easily pass off as a college student.

Anyway, we really meet interesting people out there. Kris started working there to make some money and put herself through school. But that's what they all say. As she mentioned her kids, I said I was married too. She mentioned she was divorced, but dating some dude in Singapore. She asked if I was trying to have kids, so I said yeah.. sort of. She thinks babies are more like God's gifts. There are people out there been trying for ages, but never got even one. Then there are those like her, screwing around when she was 19 and got preggers to her then boyfriend who became ex-husband some years later. So point is you can never really plan - things just screw up with you and you just have to make the best of it. I tried to agree.

She planned to get through school and open a boutique or a cafe. Sigh, 9 out of 10 GROs I meet say the same thing. But they never really get around to doing it. Very few in fact I know who actually have a business outside. In the end, if they get lucky, someone marries them. Those with luggage (kids) fare even worse. Most turn to prostitution or end up doing GRO work until they are no longer wanted. After that, they usually disappear.

She left early with a friend, around about 1am. The rest of us hung around until about 2am before making a move. Mr Beemer said it nicely on the way out; "We have to find something else to do to entertain, someplace where there are fewer people so desperate for love."

Happy International Women's Day?

Seen: EPL Football action
Felt: Helpless
Heard: Karaoke voices