fish porridge

Sigh,

Had my favourite fish porridge last night after dinner - just before sleeping. I think the thing has been out too long already. Not 20 minutes after I finished downing a bowl, my stomach felt weird and the porridge wanted to come out again.

This was about 2am maybe 3am, so what to do lah.. sat it out and had some gassy drinks to burp my way out (my usual remedy). Worked, but today still feeling rather queezy. Could be the lack of sleep.. ugh. Could be the bad porridge.

Recently been sick or injured quite a bit. Since CNY got problem after problem. Wifey also same thing. Hopefully we're just getting rid of all the bad karma now so that second half of the year we're much healthier.

The girlfriend of my beemer driving friend, let's call him Mr Liverpool also down. While doing a CAT scan for something in the tummy they found a tumour like subtance in the kidney. Now have to operate and suspect cancer.. alamak.. so we just can hope for the best.

At LB: today we're going to have a training session at 8-10pm on communications/presentation. At 10.30 there's a team gathering - for Duke Zacc's team. Hope I can make it pass the training lah.. very tired already.

Felt: Tired & Sick (no kidding)
Seen: Academy Awards (parts of it)
Heard: Marion Raven

Poem day

eyes closed

eyes closed
the obliging censure
sight thickens, soulless to words.
hearts beat
hands tremble into the fire
burning blood, a soulful brew
lips moved
kissed censured glistened eyes
like nectar, sweet sorcerous wine
eyes closed
the obliging censure
fuels old but simple thoughts:
- eyes closed,
to me?

Copyright ©2006 Rizal Repin

What is it with these quacks?

I went to the doc's today - again. Must be 3rd time these last couple of weeks. Firstly, he still says I'm getting better, although the cough I went to see him about more than a week ago is still there. So he did the usual checking and says this is a new one lah.. the first one almost got better then I caught a new virus or something and he begins loading up the prescription. This time he tripled the amount of medication I have to take. Get this, I'm being prescribed asthma medication, despite not having that condition. Then he gets me a bunch of allergy pills just to round it up.

Problem with doctors nowadays is that they don't really treat the condition, they address the symptoms. Have headache? Have some painkillers. Got cough? Hmm that could be, bacterial, viral, asthma or allergy.. here take them all, tell me if it gets better.

The docs I had growing up used to be able to explain why I'm probably having headaches, our conversation would last more than the requisite 5 min check that they now perform. How can you diagnose anything in under 10 minutes? I remember sitting down and talking for 30 minutes with some of my old doctors - they ask everything, what we are eating, excersise, work, any injuries et cetera. For example, when I had neck pains and back pains, the doctor said my pains were a result of the viral infection on my throat. Did he ask if I did any heavy lifting recently? No. Did he ask if I had an accident that may have caused the problem? No. So I volunteered the info, but did he take it into account? No. Something wrong there la. He just wanted me out so he can give me my required pain killers and see the next guy in line.

While exchanging horror medical stories with another friend. She mentioned her experience with a couple of doctors who went overboard with the examinations. Getting rather touchy and stuff. When she told the bugger off, he just brushed it aside and cut the visit short.

What are they teaching in med schools nowadays? Or is it like everything else in our life and even the medical profession has become something about money only.

Farewell these lands and northern sky

Farewell these lands and northern sky,
and soft green grass that I once lie-
to cold sharp winds and the icy curse,
farewell to sounds of joyful mirth.
For here awhile my heart did run,
beneath the moon, beneath the sun.
Away from guards, on my own path
to form the shadows that I now cast.

Farewell these eyes of angel's light,
that kept me warm on lonely nights,
which time and time had put a smile
even it was for just a while.
For time had gifted me with friends,
whose gentle ways are heaven sent-
unknown to many about the Earth,
like the warming heat of a lighted hearth.

Rizal Repin
Copyright ©2006 Rizal Repin

Tagged

Current time: 7:16pm

What am I wearing:
Dark blue/grey shirt, blue tie with yellow key links, black pants, and I don't remember what underwear I am wearing.

Something out of ordinary on my desk:
A baseball, box of junk, Tongkat Ali energy drink, and too many stacks of paper that I can hardly see my desk.

Current fav song:
Baby one more time.. not the Britney version, but the other more alternative one. Can't help it, its stuck in my head.

Last phone call received:
From a trader regarding an LOI for a Q3 tender from Oman.

Current annoyance:
1) My wife who said I was whiny when I was down. I don't whine.
2) My boss for making my life miserable with this Oman tender. Ruining my life.

Plans for the evening:
1) Get this tender out of the way and tidy up the LOI tomorrow. Its not procedure but heck it, I cannot follow procedures every damn day.
2) Check out what's happening in the wonderful world of Lampe Berger.
3) Find some food in between that.

Expat Life?

Met a friend for lunch. She's been on holiday for 3 months, will probably spend the next 2 months looking for a job in Hong Kong. Yeah she's Malaysian, been working here for god knows how long. Longer than I have anyway. Next week will be her third time in Hong Kong, she last visited last month before the Chinese New Year. So it was a nearly spontaneous decision to move there - so suddenly, considering she just came back from her trip last week. Plus she's never had any interest in Hong Kong.

All this came about as she last went there. Met up some expat friends there, mostly single like her, their freedom and lifestyle was what she was looking for. We concluded after our hour long talk that life isn't about work. We have to learn to enjoy life as well - plus doing what we like.

The expat life apparently is very appealing. Expats generally stay together and party together. They see only the bright and happening part of the cities, and with their high income and no commitments - all they do in their free time is enjoy themselves. I remember reading somewhere that expat living in Asia are probably the luckiest. Singapore used to rate among the best place to work, including HK. I think nowadays Geneva or Zurich got the #1 spot in the world. Most of Asia are beyond the top ten.

I suppose it could be fun la.. when I was spending 6 months in Japan, it was alright, but not entirely appealing. Do I wish it could be longer? Yes I do. Do I want to live there for years and years or forever for that matter? No I don't.. maybe 3-5 years would be enough for me in Japan. Maybe I can stretch that to 7 years.. I don't know. I guess most expats have the same idea, people I've asked say they cannot imagine living in any one place for a long time. Which also includes their own country.

But to pick up and leave takes quite a bit of courage - or desperation I suppose. For single people with no commitments the expat life is a takeback to the college days, with freedom and friends, although now with improved finances. When you think of life, it's really the same wherever you are. I always like to ask people who are considering these drastic changes in their lives why they want to go. It is usually because they don't like the way their life is going, or they hate the way this government or that company is doing something, and eventually their reasoning will lead to them not liking something about their life. People choose to change because they want things to be better (common sense!). At this point it's good to consider one thing: you choose how your life is going to be. You choose if you want to be happy or not, the place doesn't really matter. Your happiness or your life depends on how you look at it and whether you want it to be happy. In the end, what we really need to change is our point of view.

New Poem

I like this poem..

In My Mind, You Loved Me

I've written letters in my mind
and mailed them all to you,
as I scribbled with feverish fingers
onto cheap store purchased stationery
spritzed with expensive perfume
I never dared to wear.

In my mind,
you would have responded
with soft words made of feathers
and with the words, 'I love you,'
expressed by x's and o's.

In my mind,
you would have spilled
your undying love to me,
with words Shakespeare would have written,
had he risen from the grave.

In my mind,
we would have sewn
our lips together with
metal-woven yarn,
and you wouldn't have seen
me as transparent--
and felt me like the wind.

-- Nicole Daily ( in respect of original author)

Valentines Day

Its the day after Valentine's day, I really wonder about how Malaysians view or celebrate Valentines. Don't think most know the significance or history of V-Day. One interesting comment made by our tea lady yesterday - she says February 14 is Hari Berkasih Sayang.. the malay version of V-Day I suppose. And I was lamenting to my colleague who was helping me find V-Day cards they don't have cards for just friends and office workers here. In the US Valentines is more of a day of appreciation than just a day for lovers to enjoy. So you can get a pack of cards - like we get CNY or Raya cards and just send to about everyone - just to show appreciation.

I was thinking of getting V cards for my staff in the office. It would have been great if most of the cards available were for either family members, lovers, wives, husbands or "special friend". What ever the heck that is.. I don't remember ever having a "special friend" when I was growing up. What's so special about the fler? Cacat ah? Admit lah.. girlfriend ke boyfriend ke.. no need beat around the mulberry bush.

A friend in the US also celebrates his birthday on Valentines. Kinda cool I guess. But he had a tiff with his preggers wife (must be mood swings) and didn't have such a fantastic Vday. Wished him well anyway.

The traffic in KL was horrendous. In fact it was raining between 4pm to 6pm. Heavy kitties and doggies type. So traffic was as usual backed up to the parking lots. So the moment you pull out of the spot you were in, you're in a jam. We made up a plan that next year we'd offer Tapau Valentine's day dinner. Have food with your loved ones in the car.. while in a jam. Make the most of the situation. Packages come with how to guides of "Making out in the Car", "Road Bullying and S&M", and our favourite "Car hopping Swingers". So many people were probably late for their dinner appointments. Plenty of break up opportunities.

At night while passing through the Beach Club area, it was about midnight and the place was as packed as a weekend. Mostly young kids walking in pairs - the hotel rooms would probably be full as well. And we lamented how after being with our respective other halves for over a year (and surviving the first Valentines) its no longer as big a deal as it was initially. He had dinner with his fiancee the day before (its cheaper and you have choices of what to eat). Instead of giving her flowers, he gave her his Beemer for the week (which was why he was hitching rides all the while). Fair trade I suppose. After all, love is about sacrifices anyway.

Nice quote!

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

- Mark Twain

Too much on the plate

I should not be writing in blogs, not when there's so much to do here. Dunno how I manage to cope with the job. I've got two articles due for the bulletin by tomorrow. Neither of which have even started. There's 5000mt or more of ethylene need to be moved in 7 days or the damn plant shuts down. Where am I going to find a buyer in 7 days? Or even a ship for that matter? They just gave me the wonderful Aromatics section - thats another 1 million tons of product to handle, as if the current million tons is not big enough. That' s just the tip of the iceberg. I think I need to get a new job and get out of chemicals.

BMW Sauber F1

Yes I am an F1 fan. Today as I walked in the office (late as usual) and passed by the front of KLCC what do I see in front of the building? Are those BMW cars? Usually there are two protons outside KLCC - two protons with the recognisable green labels of the Sauber Petronas F1 cars. Today there are two BMWs. That only means the deal has been done and BMW's purchase of Sauber is done and complete.

Upon reaching the office I did some digging around. Found out the official name for the venture is now BMW Sauber F1 - headquarters still in Hinwil, Switzerland. And our company involvement is more on the lubricant. So we can expect a big Synthium logo on the car. Dunno if the oil drop logo will remain yet. Official announcements will probably come in December.

But regardless, it was weird looking out the front of the building and seeing two beemers. Though I can't say I miss the protons. Hahaha.

My wife says she wears the pants..

Skirts or pants its all the same to me. At least I don't complain about it. Sure there are a lot of things I cannot do, there are also somethings which I do pretty well. There are also things which I know how to do - but I absolutely cannot be bothered with. In fact quite a lot of things fall into this category which include - doing things around the house, fixing anything wrong with my car, and generally teaching dense people new things. I like teaching people, but stupid people are just a waste of time. This is more in relation to my work.

I've got no problems with wearing a skirt. Having a dick is overated anyway - sure its easy when you're peeing but try masturbating - messy messy. Also it sticks out and stands on attention when you want it to shutup. It practically has a mind of its own and is generally a nuisance unless its time to fuck: when it kinda becomes an option. (Yes you don't need a dick to have sex either).

My friends in the office say I deserve to wear a skirt because of how my golf is. I hate business golf so it would explain my performance and the fact that in our internal tournaments I'm playing a handicap of 30. For those non players out there - the highest handicap given to men is 24. Thus the skirt reference.

We may not realise it but skirt wearers get it all out there. As long as it doesn't have anything to do with work or politics - where pants still rule the day. In fact pin-striped Hugo Boss pants rule the most. But skirt wearers get everything else: they get doors opened for them, dinners bought for them, gifts bought for them - all because pants wearers constantly want to get into those skirts. But I digress.

Wearing pants all the time is really nothing to be proud of, but neither is being in a skirt all the time either. Ideally we should balance our skirt and pants wearing days. Some days call for pants, others call for more skirts. Personally I'm lazy - get me in a skirt and I'll figure out ways to avoid wearing the pants. So really.. its no big a deal to have a pants wearing wife. In fact independent women are a turn on.. or used to be at one point in time.. in any case I'm not complaining.