Stillness

Sometimes I like to be still. There is something comforting in the quietness of things and the silence of an empty room. Moments like these are few and far between. Perhaps a few stolen minutes in the early morning hours, where I float between waking and sleeping. Perhaps during those moments when I am left alone, those few seconds or minutes when everyone has left the room and everything suddenly falls silent.

It is then that I really fall into place with myself. The little moments of quiet contemplation or meditation does a lot to assuage any pain or anguish I may be harboring.

I'm afraid of being alone - but I like to be left alone. Does it make sense? It's not about being alone, but about being lonely. I suppose my greatest fear is to live life and die unremembered.

So I try to be still. There is comfort in the quietness of things. It reminds me that my fears are still alive that it is there in that empty room with me, waiting to steal a few more moments of my short existence. Fear robs us of our ability to move forward and our ability to live our lives.

In much the same vein, love does the same thing. Love freezes us from moving forward and only when we learn to let it go - little by little - we begin to learn to live again. It is with our parents, our first loves, our husbands and wives.

Yeah you may disagree. The purists will say love is always there and it evolves, changes as the relationship develops. But is not the evolution of love also is its dissolution? Don't we feel like it's easier to love less the longer the love lasts? If we did not let go of love, won't we all still be tied to our parents bosom - unable and unwilling to let go and move on? Maybe we don't want to admit it but as our relationship progresses, we become more comfortable to let go of love.

Maybe love is meant to be temporary and falls out as soon as we stop needing it? Maybe I'm wrong.