Injuries...

Wife had a memorable birthday last week. After our friends came by to surprise her just after 11pm, I spent the remainder of the night at my usual place, in front of the PC. At around 230am when I was about to close up, I ran up the stairs at my usual pace, but this time tripped and fell upwards on the landing. In the process dislocating my arm at my right shoulder.

It was painful. At first I thought I bruised it or sprained it, but the pain was intense, especially if I tried to move it around. When I felt it, it really felt different, my upper arm was deeper within and I could feel the shoulder bone when normally it would be flesh.

We went to the clinic and the bemused doctor (wondering how the hell someone could do this at such late an hour) took his sweet time to write in a recommendation to the hospital. Still in pain, Pauline dragged me up towards the emergency entrance and I got checked in.

I had to do a couple of x-rays to make sure what it was. The surgeon showed up, racing from home - I have to be very thankful for that. It was 330am by this time. He said if he was in my position and the doctor didn't come he'd be swearing away at the fler. By now I had 2 doses of painkillers which were really not making much of a difference. They gave me 2 more, plus valium and an instant later the arm was back in place. I hardly noticed it, too high already by then.

In any case, they've got me in a sling and I've got limited arm movement for a couple of weeks. Can't move it even if I wanted to. Spent the night in the hospital, the first time ever in my life. But checked out by lunch the next day.

Monday I've got another checkup, this time he's going to give some exercises. I'll be in physio for a while.

Always

Would you believe me, if I said,
That I would never go?
Could you drink of my ageless love,
When the cups does overflow?

I shall always remember,
The memories I shared with you,
Forever etched in this longing heart,
Even should time split us two.

When you walk away my dear,
Please look a glance behind,
I shall be as shadows near,
My touch you'll always find.

I am still here for you,
Please believe this begging soul,
Life is worth for just one kiss,
From you my love of old.

Sunrise

Dawn lights the rocky seas,
as the weathered rocks are shown,
she shines upon the rocks and trees,
that lay hinged before the blown.

She strokes the gentle ocean tides,
as the soft green waves unfold,
and caressed the hills and countrysides,
that lay cuddled in the kindly cold.

She danced upon the quavering reeds,
as they shelter from the morning hue,
she kissed the green of a newformed seed,
that lay thirsted for the falling dew.

She hugged, with warmth, the newborn doe;
as it shivers in her blinding light,
she shines upon the dew that glows,
like a jewel on a darkest night.

Dawn lights the endless lands,
that dwell by the unknown,
she clings to day with her ending sands,
as she hinges before the blown.

A Leaf Upon the Winds

I am like a falling leaf, fallen from a branch up high;
Blown away so quietly, by a wind from the eastern sky.
You are like the eastern wind, coming from lands afar;
To bring the promise of eternity, to heal an aching scar.

I am like the falling leaf, blown waysides and beyond;
And I drift on your eastern breeze, so galeful yet forlorn?
You are like the eastern wind, blowing such sweet romance:
"Will you seek with me a deep true love, perhaps another chance?"

"I go where you go my love, my soul shall be forsake;
But I am but a wayward leaf, no passage do I take."
Then you like the eastern wind, blowing this soft caress;
You lift me far and lift me high but I'll fall down nontheless.

I am the falling leaf, dancing in your warm, sweet breeze;
But your winds will take you far away, each moment we must seize.
Then I the wayward leaf, will come gently onto the earth;
Your eastern gale has come and gone, my destiny you can't reverse.

Insomnia

It's a jumble of feelings. Sometimes when I think of all the new things we're going to have to do, or get used to over in Singapore. Add the fact that we won't have our support system 30 minutes away from us, it feels more than a little intimidating.

Starting a family is challenging enough, starting one while overseas and distant from your close friends and relatives is even more so. Yeah we have acquiantances and family there, but I don't about the wife, I've basically been incomunicado with them for a little over 5 years now - the family I mean.

At the same time its also good to have time to spend with each other and really create that singular family unit - without any parental units to butt in. That's going to be a relief more or less. Less comments, less suggestions, less pressure, we're going to be left to our own devices.

I guess overall, I'm less worried about the job than about the hassle of moving there. Thinking of what to buy, what to bring over. Packing, moving, unpacking. Reorganising this and that. The logistics of "stuff" and "people" are going to be hell to organise, and I'm not the most organised person in the world.

So I decided to start yesterday night. Spent most of the night sorting out old files, letters, bills and cleaning out the bookshelf in the study that has been cluttered with our junk. Basically we're both a little bit paranoid about throwing things away, she more so than me. So once in a while I just need to crack the whip and throw away things that's been sitting on the shelves. It's amazing how much space old letters and receipts take, managed to collect a whole huge trash bag worth! Finished at 4 am though.

Next will be filing stuff. Probably get the files next few days and create a proper filing system for all the Important Stuff, and neat bins for all the Possibly Important Stuff, and smite anything older than 2 years. Eventually I'll need to check out both storerooms and seek and destroy more junk, make a list of all the things useful and then separate them to Keep Here, Bring Along and Give Away. Then it'll be the kitchen and the rest of the stuff in the house, which probably won't happen until later in the year when the whole family moves over. Books will definitely stay. At the rate we're buying I'll need a house just for the books. So much work. Urgh.

Woke up this morning feeling sleepy, wanted to call in a holiday, but had stuff to discuss with boss, and since I won't be sleeping anyway there's really no point in staying home.

I have no empathy?

A strange but necessary conversation with one of my staffs revealed that for someone to be a good trader he must have among skills: high drive, strong resilience and no empathy. Apparently this is what he was told during a personality test and "job-fit" questionaire that qualified leaders had to take. I passed mine already and went through to a couple more and now I do recall some mention about empathy. I should pay more attention to these people.

So it's quite disturbing to think that I may not have much empathy for people. And you know what... given how anti-social I can be sometimes, it may be true. This empathy is described as being able to perform the trading duties, without any need for emotional support or having a need to give emotional support to the counterpart or customer. In simple terms to be able to sell something to someone and make decent money without feeling guilty or regret.

In social terms I don't know how to describe it, but I guess it's how well you connect to other people and "empathise" with them.

In his case, it was revealed that he had too much empathy for people and have the need to just help everyone. That's the reason apparently for his stress levels. Always trying to please too many people. Well as for me, I'm just happy pleasing myself. Does it sound like me? Yeah it kinda does. I hardly get stressed out if a delivery is screwed (because of forces I cannot control) or if I make an obscene amount of profit. Apparently some people do.

So while it seems like I'm suited for the job, I'm left wondering if it's the job that made me, or am I made for the job all along?

Web it?

I've been going online to look for resources or websites relating to pregnancies or birth or childcare. There are tons of course but rare it is to find a local site that has the information that we need. In fact I haven't found one yet. Not a single local childcare / childbirth website that can give hospital news and information, information on courses, products etc. Are we so far down the technological ladder that no one has thought of using the internet to build this kind of service? Wife has also been up several trees on this, said she found a great site but guess what.. Singaporean. Sigh.

Well since we've seen the need, maybe we should start one. I mean the only alternative we have now is to actually call up hospitals, or go asking around people who's "done it." Of course knowing how friendly the local customer services here are usually, its not something I'm particularly looking forward to.

In any case, at the very least we will have to check out our chosen hospital. That much is okay, but they could have at least put more information in their website. There's absolutely nothing about childbirth information on their site. The same is true for a few other hospitals I've checked. The internet is nothing more than a glorified yellow pages for these guys, its like reading a prospectus or a brochure. So no imagination one. Useless in fact. For an example of a pretty good hospital website check out Beaumont Hospitals' site. Its in the US. Not the most flashy site, but all the relevant info is there. It's at least functional.

Looks like we'll have to manually do this. Bleh..

Its a Girl!

We did the scans last week and finally found out that we are expecting a girl. So time to sharpen those pencils and start coming up with a namelist... it's a short list so far. I won't discuss the options here, don't want to ruin the surprise, but it's between 2-3 names.

The question now is more about whether we're going to have a long one, that includes a Chinese name or not. I am open to ideas, so anyone feel free to suggest.